tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post5302830446605351761..comments2023-12-25T11:13:04.495+00:00Comments on Seraphic Singles: Befriending FamiliesSeraphichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-9481092632066303192013-06-07T15:43:03.655+01:002013-06-07T15:43:03.655+01:00Hmm. I am familiar with the feeling of disappointm...Hmm. I am familiar with the feeling of disappointment that comes from finding out something about a friend who you thought you shared certain moral beliefs with. In my case, though, mostly those friends have not been seriously religious, so I guess it was always just wishful thinking on my part that we shared the exact same values. The disillusionment can still hurt though. These days I am likely to assume that someone who calls himself 'Catholic' or 'Christian' is describing his family's residual religious affiliations rather than expressing any specific personal belief in anything.<br /><br />So basically I realise I have a few friends who I can be confident share my beliefs (and I can thankfully include family members in this group), other friends who share some of my beliefs, and a very large third group of acquaintances who would quite possibly be stunned to know that I'm a practising Catholic because they are urbane and well-educated and could not believe that one of their associates could be So Backwards. <br /><br />Having said that, I do enjoy the company of the third group - mostly we just 'talk shop' anyway.<br /><br />- JuliaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-54670730495637935382013-06-07T12:18:18.325+01:002013-06-07T12:18:18.325+01:00I think the older I get, the more angry I get on b...I think the older I get, the more angry I get on behalf of girls who don't want to have their (maybe, not really sure) wedding night years before they actually get married. <br /><br />I don't blame mainstream Protestants and agnostics, et alia, but I really do blame fellow Catholics, who should know better, because even if they aren't betraying themselves, and even if they do actually marry the people they are committing mortal sins with, strangely sure they won't be run over by a bus before they get to confession, they are betraying chaste Catholics who find themselves facing the Enemy increasingly alone. <br /><br />It's like all those priests who ran off to get married, but still keep the glamour of having been a Jesuit (or whatever) squarely in their biographies, while the men who remained faithful to the priesthood struggle and break under the workload.<br /><br />As a married woman, I feel pretty baleful about it all. I found the right guy (after a looooong wait and a lot of false alleys), we got engaged, we waited, we got married in eight months, the wedding was tiny and inexpensive, we're married. <br /><br />Okay, so we were in our thirties, so we had a lot of self-knowledge people in their twenties do not have. Also we lived a whole ocean apart, so the temptations were not there. But still. It's not like waiting until you're married is bizarre. It's what almost all Catholics everywhere did before the 1960s. <br /><br />Anyway, I wish people would realize how much influence their own behaviour has on other people. Can you imagine the damage I might inflict on my friends and readers by, say, leaving my husband? Or if he left me? As much as we said, "Oh, we just want each other to be happy, no matter what", it would still be a victory for the Enemy and another defeat for fellow Catholics trying to be good.<br /><br />End of rant.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-4903203160895469922013-06-07T11:42:32.997+01:002013-06-07T11:42:32.997+01:00I'm in a parish where my age groups (under 30)...I'm in a parish where my age groups (under 30) is seriously under-represented, so most of the people in my parish are married couples who have children. However, since they are not really in my age group and are leading quite different lives, it hasn't really bothered me that I'm not friends with any of them, although I wouldn't feel negative about friendships with them. <br /><br />What is more of a problem for me personally is that there are so few people my own age. In the past year, I have made more of an effort to meet other Catholics my age, and have made some very good friends. In a roundabout way I met them through my university, which is a tad ironic since it's a large, public, secular university.<br /><br />Since I'm in my early twenties, very few of my friends and acquaintances are actually married, but many of them are in de facto relationships or 'long-term' sexual dating relationships. Seraphic, you've mentioned your surprise that women my age read your blog. I'd suggest that it's because in English-speaking countries (I'm in Australia) it seems to be reasonably common for young unmarried couples to either 'live together', or 'date' for years on end since the age of eighteen. So while us young girls are not alone in being unmarried, we can feel alone in not being 'coupled-up'. Although I'm sure all of this has occurred to you already.<br /><br />I think this might be a relatively recent phenomenon. My father attended university in the 1970s and he is often surprised at just how 'attached' uni students are these days. He says it wasn't quite like that in the 1970s (although I do realise that by that point the Sexual Revolution had taken hold, so I'd highly doubt that uni students in the '70s were virtuous, Seraphic Singles).<br /><br />By and large I like spending time with the couples I know, though. My friends have boyfriends/girlfriends/de factos who I get along with really well, and I don't feel like they see my single status as something odd. Yet.<br /><br />- JuliaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-43517655108687475932013-06-06T20:59:29.865+01:002013-06-06T20:59:29.865+01:00In a previous parish I attended (in Chicago), anot...In a previous parish I attended (in Chicago), another late-20-something and myself decided to organize monthly young adult brunches. We had three young married couples show up and they were all very much "core" members of our group (the rest of the core was me, three other single women, one single guy, and an engaged couple). Within the first 3-4 months of the brunches all three married couples announced a forthcoming baby; I was invited to the two baptisms that were held locally which was an enormous honor and pleasure for me (gotta love a sacrament). The brunches only lasted about two years and then sort of dissolved, partly because myself and two of the other single women got involved with other things and/or moved away for long or short terms.<br /><br />I really liked all three of those married women. Their husbands were fun guys too. Myself, two other single women, and the couples had a big table at the parish 'gala' together (babies at home with sitters) and it was great fun. We would congregate after mass, and I think each couple had us over for dinner once, with the husbands finishing up the cooking while mama and baby entertained the guests. It was partly those friendships that made me sad to move away.<br /><br />Looking back, although it's true that the babies were not (publicly) in the picture when I met those couples, really I didn't get to know them at all until after they had announced their pregnancies. I think one thing that really helped in making those friendships happen was that one of the married women and one of the single women (not me) were very outgoing people. There was never a hint that maybe it was strange or incompatible that we'd all become friends.<br /><br />If I had to come up with a point to all this (ahem) I would say: I don't know if Single People as a category want to hang out with Married People as a category. But I'm always pleased to be invited to dinner, or asked if I'm going to that talk, or greeted after mass. And (to descend into egotism) I'm always interested in people who think I'm interesting. I think I would have been friends with those women regardless of their marital status -- actually, their being married might have helped things along, because none of us single girls were in a position to entertain at home the way the married women were.Jamhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18076215213828545013noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-75948881677857450902013-06-06T14:29:41.557+01:002013-06-06T14:29:41.557+01:00Well, I'm not even that young a married, and s...Well, I'm not even that young a married, and some young (and not so young) Singles enjoy hanging out with me, so I don't see why not. Invite them all to a dinner party at your place.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-30654513821354498202013-06-05T18:57:32.125+01:002013-06-05T18:57:32.125+01:00And, oh, dear, I seem to have forgotten to sign ou...And, oh, dear, I seem to have forgotten to sign out of aforementioned husband's account. The above comment is, in fact, from me.Lydia Cubbedgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03220850195318904224noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-2949729270244930972013-06-05T18:55:46.874+01:002013-06-05T18:55:46.874+01:00Interesting, and probably spot on for most. Howeve...Interesting, and probably spot on for most. However, I am a married gal with a give year old and a six month old in a newish town (I moved to the Deep American South three years ago). I have one friend, who, oddly enough, moved here a week after I did. Nearly all the women I talk to regularly are considerably older, have teenaged children and never (really, never) want to get together for a drink or a book club. The younger (and really, I'm 31 and the set I'm talking about is about six years younger) set has lots going on but I feel like I'd be an intruder. Do the unmarried really want to hang out with the young marrieds? I just don't know. I know, though, that it's quite lonely being a young married mother with no one in her generational bracket to have fun with (other than the husband, who is terrific fun). Will Cubbedgehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15646132166716927315noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-40230318765628912512013-06-05T12:45:55.822+01:002013-06-05T12:45:55.822+01:00Tak, to bardzo przydatny! Dzieki, PearlMusic.Tak, to bardzo przydatny! Dzieki, PearlMusic.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-46999801509152354412013-06-05T12:28:58.497+01:002013-06-05T12:28:58.497+01:00Yes, you're right! We Poles distinct these cla...Yes, you're right! We Poles distinct these classes for friends. Here they are:<br />1) przyjaciel/przyjaciółka - close friend (first class, you said) whom you know for ages, trust and depend on during hard times<br />2) kolega/koleżanka - loose friend or sometimes a colleague at work, fun to hang out with and much in common, but not ascertained as a friend-in-need<br />3) znajomy/znajoma - this stands for rather loose acquaintances but also Facebook friends if you know what I mean.<br /><br />You also mentioned kumpel/kumpelka which is rather informal and can be applied to each class, depending on a social circle etc.<br /><br />Hope this was helpful a bit :)Pearlmusicnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-31613832821054426552013-06-05T12:21:48.797+01:002013-06-05T12:21:48.797+01:00Very interesting. As I was reading, I was thinkin...Very interesting. As I was reading, I was thinking, "but I am friends with several married women, yet we have very little in common outside the faith" - but then I realized, we were friends in our youth and have remained so, thankfully. We knew each other long before things like college majors and jobs and husbands and children were in the picture. I wonder, if I met them today, if we would become friends? I bet in some cases, not, which is a shame. However, it makes me grateful that we've continued a friendship throughout these changes!MaryJanenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-66223065889222768812013-06-05T09:54:22.869+01:002013-06-05T09:54:22.869+01:00Thank you for answering my question! You’re totall...Thank you for answering my question! You’re totally right that we should never take our close friends for granted. My friends are wonderful and I am truly blessed to have them. And though I’d love to get to know good Catholic families up close, it’s not that important right now. I’m going to follow your advice to focus on my current friends and see who God places upon my path!<br />Oh, and I’d like to point out that I wasn’t talking about befriending complete strangers, but about several families that I’ve known for years (being a scout leader for their kids, teaching Sunday School classes, helping them out etc). I’m not that socially awkward. ;-)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com