tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post7035180193284753615..comments2023-12-25T11:13:04.495+00:00Comments on Seraphic Singles: "Gentle Raillery" is Just Nagging in Period CostumeSeraphichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-25888966829953044832012-10-12T20:36:22.996+01:002012-10-12T20:36:22.996+01:00Oh, sorry! I meant Urszula, of course.Oh, sorry! I meant Urszula, of course.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-44654406574531922842012-10-12T20:35:46.671+01:002012-10-12T20:35:46.671+01:00Dear Magdalen, thanks especially for the Polish po...Dear Magdalen, thanks especially for the Polish point of view and proverb! Those are both very helpful, especially as I am going to Poland at the end of the month to talk to Polish Singles!Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-59141016688607228082012-10-12T14:58:42.000+01:002012-10-12T14:58:42.000+01:00Seraphic, okay, I grant that the hating I referred...Seraphic, okay, I grant that the hating I referred to in my prior comment was a tad hyperbolic. :-) I can be a little dramatic at times.<br /><br />I guess I've just never considered any Austen novel a guide for life, just fun and witty read. That said, all the posts against using JA as a guide for life was just puzzling. I agree with the posts, I just didn't realize so many women were using JA as a guide for life.okiegrlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-77538891806537412992012-10-12T03:42:38.692+01:002012-10-12T03:42:38.692+01:00Seraphic, I totally agree with your three thoughts...Seraphic, I totally agree with your three thoughts above. For me, there are two ways to use humor and sarcasm:<br /><br />a) Gentle joking/teasing which I guess can be a mild form of flirting. I was thinking more of what you've discussed on this blog before (I believe as bantering) and which for me is a way of building rapport and is a signal that I like someone and am comfortable around someone - and vice versa. <br /> <br />b) Using humor and wit to tear someone down - this is along the lines of dialogues ie in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf, which truly are belittling and marriage-shattering.<br /><br />Men - and women - very easily distinguish between the two. <br /><br />I think men appreciate a girl who is fun and comfortable enough with who she is - and around them - to make jokes along the lines of a). I also find it's an often subtle and gentle way to get a point across than outright confrontation. At any rate, it's worked for me, so I just thought that maybe there was some subtle distinction that was being lost here. <br /><br />Oh, and it may be too that the joking/teasing I was referring to is inherently Polish. We do tend to have a strangely subversive and self-mocking sense of humor, and strange ways of expressing love. When these two mix, you get the Polish saying "Kto sie czubi, ten sie lubi" = those who argue really secretly like each other. <br />Urszulahttp://whereismysuitcase.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-16509163597049640662012-10-11T20:26:42.170+01:002012-10-11T20:26:42.170+01:00*cough* The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube is aw...*cough* The Lizzie Bennet Diaries on YouTube is awesome *cough*MCN Hobbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15238275834876326001noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-48994003209394647302012-10-11T16:36:28.391+01:002012-10-11T16:36:28.391+01:00There's no hating on either "Pride and Pr...There's no hating on either "Pride and Prejudice" or Jane Austen on this blog. My difficulty is with women who read it as a Guide to Life. It is not a Guide to Life. <br /><br />It is a comic novel written at the turn of the 18th and 19th centuries by an Anglican woman (with Evangelical leanings) who was on the bottom rung of the English landed gentry and therefore never had to get a job and certainly never went on a date as we know it. <br /><br />Initially called "First Impressions," P & P pits the pride of one character against the prejudice of the other. <br /><br />Elizabeth Bennet, the second daughter of a small landowner/millionaire, is prejudiced against a Mister Darcy, a billionaire a few years older than herself, whose massive wealth very likely depends, not only on the British feudal system propped up by the groaning masses, but on African slave labour in the West Indies, because he wouldn't dance with her at a party, saying (a trifle imprudently) that she was not pretty enough to dance with. <br /><br />Elizabeth decides to hate his guts on the strength of this remark and to fear his influence over his best friend, with whom her beloved sister is in danger of falling in love. They live in a very small community and if any of the girls are courted and dumped, the entire community will know, laugh at them, and talk about it for the next 50 years because that's how pre-industrial revolution English villages rolled. <br /><br />The story of witty, pretty Elizabeth and incredibly rich and unsmiling Mr Darcy has particularly captivated recent generations, thanks to a BBC television series which portrays Elizabeth as a sparky feminist and Mr Darcy as the thinking woman's crumpet, whose stolid exterior hides a tiger of thunderstorm of a volcano of a something or other. <br /><br />It might have helped that the BBC actors had so much chemistry that they actually wanted to sleep together and, if the papers (and Helen Fielding) are to be believed, eventually did. So when Colin glowered at Jennifer, he was not just acting, he really was thinking "She MUST be MINE!" and when Jennifer blushed, she was not just acting, she was really thinking, "What are his motives? Oh me! Oh my! Is he my enemy or my friend?" It was all very sexy, no doubt. <br /><br />"Pride and Prejudice" as an model of the birth of the 19th century novel is marvellous. "Pride and Prejudice" as a guide to 21st century life is quite dangerous because it can lead bookish girls into thinking that men who scowl at them might secretly be into them and if only the girls are witty enough, they will win their hearts. Or something.<br /><br />At any rate, I have noticed girls insulting boys they are crazy about all my life, and I think it a bad idea. Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-83765771249279361982012-10-11T15:09:05.663+01:002012-10-11T15:09:05.663+01:00Brilliant post, and I think it should be required ...Brilliant post, and I think it should be required reading for young ladies. :-)<br /><br />~NzieNziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05611004371935380366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-83171141302286911432012-10-11T14:12:08.301+01:002012-10-11T14:12:08.301+01:00Why all the hating on Pride and Prejudice and Aust...Why all the hating on Pride and Prejudice and Austen in general? I think there are several great things about P&P, and I wonder how many women actually read the book. <br /><br />Take Darcy, for example. He starts off proud and aloof, but in the end he humbles himself, repents, and does penance in the form of saving Elizabeth's ENTIRE family from certain ruin. THAT is what wins Elizabeth's affections, along with a good report from his servant. How this got turned into "women should insult men that aren't interested in them" or "a guy who is a jerk is a catch because he is like Darcy" is beyond me.<br /><br />I'm not trying to be insulting, and it seems like I am the minority opinion. I just don't understand.okiegrlnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-70008513799732776582012-10-11T08:01:36.447+01:002012-10-11T08:01:36.447+01:00Three thoughts. One, brothers are brothers and mal...Three thoughts. One, brothers are brothers and male colleagues are solidly in the friend zone. So if you make fun of them the way men do (and men rag each other in a friendly way all the time), that is not a big deal. Two, if eligible men are clearly interested in you already, a bit of joking around won't hurt. Third, it can be hard for the jokester to determine where joking around ends and belittling begins. Such joking can be the death-by-a-thousand-cuts that makes married couples absolutely miserable. Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-190980050515106762012-10-11T04:24:55.696+01:002012-10-11T04:24:55.696+01:00I love your dialogue with Elizabeth. I wish more s...I love your dialogue with Elizabeth. I wish more susceptible girls could read it and figure out that no, behaving like Elizabeth will not get them a Mr. Darcy as husband. JA Readers are frequently not rooted in reality - I know I wasn't. <br /><br />This may be going off on a tangent a bit, but I'm not quite sure that men dislike being teased. I realize Elizabeth never really meant to tease, rather she wanted to affront Darcy so he would leave her and her sister alone - so she isn't a really good model, in any case. But from my experience, men (especially intelligent men with a sense of humor, and who would want to date someone who wasn't both?) don't react badly to gentle sarcasm or small nudges of irony. That's my style of interacting with men, based on growing up in a Polish family with a large amount of brothers and a large amount of sarcasm - and it's served me well in a male-dominated work setting, as well as social interactions. I think the key here though is being ‘gentle’. If I poke fun at my male friends, they know that I am treating them comfortably, as if they were my brothers or cousins, and that I like them, I just sometimes like to point out the inconsistencies of their behavior. I also frequently poke fun at myself, so maybe that serves to soften the blow. Either way, I’ve found my male friends sometimes appreciate not just batting eyelashes and gushing about their brilliance, but just simple good humor which may or may not be directed at them, depending on the circumstances. Ditto with the men I’ve dated. <br />Urszulahttp://whereismysuitcase.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-48458843900581483102012-10-10T22:51:49.317+01:002012-10-10T22:51:49.317+01:00I'd just like to state, once again, that girls...I'd just like to state, once again, that girls' obsession with Pride and Prejudice, Mr. Darcy and Elizabeth Bennett almost turned me off of Jane Austen entirely. <br /><br />However, having just finished Northanger Abbey yesterday, I've decided it's not really Miss Austen's fault that readers of her books try to conform their life and their expectations and their behavior to her characters'. Those who do obviously have never read Northanger Abbey, whose theme is very much in the vein of "stay rooted in reality" and the dangers of referring to novels as a guide to every day life. <br /><br />By the way, I thought Mr. Tilney is probably my new favorite. He's funny and he's the least pompous of all Austen's heroes. Sarahnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-82292752468922003492012-10-10T21:03:46.565+01:002012-10-10T21:03:46.565+01:00Bravo! Great analysis. When they love you there ...Bravo! Great analysis. When they love you there is almost nothing you can do to squash it. When they don't love you there is nothing you can do to inspire it. :) Never be harsh for when they love you their feelings are tender and you want them to stay that way for a lifetime.Cindyhttp://www.theveilofchastity.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-30596299913789027402012-10-10T16:24:52.130+01:002012-10-10T16:24:52.130+01:00Unless they have made as careful study of "Pr...Unless they have made as careful study of "Pride and Prejudice" as Mr Darcy's female admirers, they are most unlikely to do this. And, frankly, I advise all girls to flee any man who attempts it.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-45533481080210603572012-10-10T16:16:32.724+01:002012-10-10T16:16:32.724+01:00But, crush objects, feel free to talk to us the wa...But, crush objects, feel free to talk to us the way Mr. Darcy talked to Elizabeth after Chapter Six.Allyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07960362771428364953noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-92100862249866174732012-10-10T13:29:28.552+01:002012-10-10T13:29:28.552+01:00Oh Auntie! I laughed out loud while reading this! ...Oh Auntie! I laughed out loud while reading this! You are so right haha! Thank you for making my morning a sunny one. I'm going to be thinking about this all day, chuckling to myself hahaha. Have a blessed day!JustAnotherCatholicGirlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08821477747394196103noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-70427193399269603432012-10-10T12:54:45.891+01:002012-10-10T12:54:45.891+01:00Oh man, I learned this the HARD way at age 20, bel...Oh man, I learned this the HARD way at age 20, believe you me. <br /><br />He was such a NCB, too. And he liked me. But not so much so that a bizarre personality transplant changed the direction of his affections. Sigh.MCN Hobbshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15238275834876326001noreply@blogger.com