tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post8187979079460236932..comments2023-12-25T11:13:04.495+00:00Comments on Seraphic Singles: "The Apartment"Seraphichttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comBlogger31125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-3583587998837577142012-07-31T22:49:43.890+01:002012-07-31T22:49:43.890+01:00First off, Congratulations Tess!
Second off, clea...First off, Congratulations Tess!<br /><br />Second off, clearly I am late to the party - but I have been having a lovely summer which is coming to a close and am at a conference for my internship, so pardon my tardiness.<br /><br />I am offended on your behalf, Seraphic, than anyone calling himself Christian would make guesses as to the private sins of another person, especially in public. It seems to me clearly wrong and uncharitable.<br /><br />I am also somewhat bothered that Ryan finds it so easy to make fun of us. I can handle it, even having shared a very frightening personal story, but in light of another commenter's recent sharing of a very painful personal story, I think it quite unkind and I hope that it is not indicative of Ryan's overall character.<br /><br />~NzieNziehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05611004371935380366noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-90864982076902103052012-07-31T08:05:33.151+01:002012-07-31T08:05:33.151+01:00Oh, Tess. I think I'm going to cry again. You ...Oh, Tess. I think I'm going to cry again. You know I live really far away, pumpkin, but send me an email at seraphicsingles@yahoo.com and I'll write you my mailing address.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-48395005206435020962012-07-31T06:46:50.923+01:002012-07-31T06:46:50.923+01:00"I prefer to argue. But only if they are clev..."I prefer to argue. But only if they are clever and/or good-looking. If they aren't clever and/or good-looking they are wasting my time because I have a husband: I don't have to listen to their stupid opinions. Of course, if some guy is rude about my readers or use egregious cliches, I'm going to argue."<br /><br />Amen. I have yet to learn not to argue with people who are stupid. Perhaps it's pride but I think there is another part of me that is just incredulous that someone could be that stupid. I don't have a husband but I have a generous best friend who listens to me rant about stupid people and sighs and says "I know" (He's a very intelligent man...and not just because he knows now to deal with my ranting!)Alishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08803069677860028673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-53108629583286474822012-07-31T06:40:36.752+01:002012-07-31T06:40:36.752+01:00"A true GCM is never going to belong entirely..."A true GCM is never going to belong entirely to his wife. He will have another life outside. He will have a vocation that is not you, and it will be his life’s work." <br /><br />Wow. Please read Ephesians 5:25 and get back to us about what you think that means. Unless you think we can't handle it. Oh, and while you're at it, please tell us how being condescending and insulting to your sisters in Christ fits into your definition of a GCM OR NCB.<br />I have to say, my peace with being single increases by leaps and bounds when I read this kind of nonsense.<br />Thanks for standing up for us Auntie.Alishahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08803069677860028673noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-62266635387135389392012-07-31T06:38:21.121+01:002012-07-31T06:38:21.121+01:00Seraphic, I love your blog. I really do. It's ...Seraphic, I love your blog. I really do. It's uplifting, challenging, thought-provoking and intelligent, all of which I appreciate and value. <br /><br />Ryan and his shopping list of 'things women need to do to get married' are really more symptoms than the disease itself, and goodness knows, I've met plenty of single women with unrealistic shopping lists for men as well.<br /><br />But you know what? I learned something recently from looking back at my life, and at looking back at how my married friends met and courted and closed the deal.<br /><br />It's this: <br />*it doesn't matter whether your hair is long or short<br />*whether your clothes are perfect (although modest is good, obviously)<br />*whether you're at your ideal weight<br />*whether your skin is clear that week <br />*whether you're poised and elegant upon first meeting, or have just fallen down a flight of stairs<br />*whether you went to the 'right' websites or parties or whatever.<br /><br />When GOD chooses the MAN and the MOMENT, you will meet. <br /><br />If He doesn't choose the MAN or the MOMENT, it won't happen. <br /><br />And it won't be 'your fault' or 'anything you did wrong' if you've been prayerful, sincere, honest and polite.<br /><br />It's been huge for me to accept this: that actually my future, single or married, is entirely in God's hands. I can follow His promptings and try to do the right thing, but if I get ignored, knocked back or overlooked, then that may actually be God's will for me. Rejection - as I know from my own life - can be God's protection! <br /><br />So pixie hair and makeup and current clothes are actually all fine, and can stay just as they are. <br /><br />(gosh that feels good)Joan of Quarknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-56566920327906881542012-07-31T05:07:24.190+01:002012-07-31T05:07:24.190+01:00I just don't get what it's got to do with ...<i>I just don't get what it's got to do with anything I write.</i><br /><br />Absolutely nothing, Seraphic, which is some of the reason you're so upset. It's really, really lousy when someone takes your perfectly reasonable comments and decides to use them as a vessel into which all of his neuroses may be dumped. <br /><br />It happens in real life, and it happens on the internet. It's frustrating and emotionally draining, because there is nothing on this green earth that you can do to change said neuroses, but the person apparently believes otherwise.<br /><br />(Also, in light of the recent-ish discussions on rape, yes, I can see why the condescension towards your commenters would HURT. It would hurt anyway, but that's an extra layer of pain.)<br /><br />~theobromophileAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-79664414692167778422012-07-31T01:07:54.762+01:002012-07-31T01:07:54.762+01:00First of all - congratulations, Tess!! I'm alw...First of all - congratulations, Tess!! I'm always happy when I see news of engagements here. <br /><br />Second of all, I didn't bother going to Ryan's blog, mostly because here I don't come to this blog to read about what men think we women think. I'm pretty sure I have a fairly good grasp on that, what with growing up with numerous brothers and cousins, dating other non-family men, and working for over 2 years in a 90%-male-dominated environment.<br /><br />What I came here for, and what I return to this blog for time and again (even when I've gone astray...) is your wise and friendly albeit sometimes needfully admonishing advice, Auntie, and for the wonderful community of intelligent, personable and kind women that has formed around the blog. Even just reading the comment boxes shows we are a very diverse community. And this blog, at least for me, is a welcome break from other less-Seraphic corners of the Catholic web where girls are applauded for waiting on their manly prince to rescue them and for not planning on going to college or finding work or a hobby to be passionate about.<br /><br />So I think I understand why you would like to keep this corner of the web limited to women. It’s our space to feel secure, to sometimes support each other and sometimes squabble, all under your watchful eyes. Thank you once again for everything you do for single ladies!Urszulahttp://whereismysuitcase.wordpress.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-79594756842191087602012-07-31T00:41:26.822+01:002012-07-31T00:41:26.822+01:00Thank you so much Auntie! I would argue that I got...Thank you so much Auntie! I would argue that I got engaged entirely BECAUSE of your influence. As a matter of fact I want your address so I can send you an invitation to the wedding. As I told my fiance (still not used to saying that!!), "We absolutely must invite Auntie Seraphic. Without her, we wouldn't be getting married." And I meant it!Tesshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07797493386545660391noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-34657436487134338102012-07-31T00:12:36.952+01:002012-07-31T00:12:36.952+01:00Okay, well, I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek abou...Okay, well, I was being a bit tongue-in-cheek about reading Little Women -- I just recalled seeing a comment from him a while ago along the lines of, "I read because I like to see what the other side are thinking about, like I read Little Women when I was young," and I thought it was rather funny if also condescending. Because of course all bookish girls, and most non-bookish girls, spend most of their childhoods and young adult lives reading about men, boys, men, men, boys. So.<br /><br />But like Charming, I didn't find his post extremely offensive, just moderately patronizing. I enjoyed the bit about women having to prepare themselves that Real Men have Real Separate Lives. Please shelter me from the harrowing significance of men's Jobs and Hobbies!! But I've read so much worse from Catholic and evangelical Christian men, this was like cotton candy.<br /><br />I might support Date Protestant Men day, but with the strong caveat to avoid fundamentalists or are in the New Reformed movement or young men who listen too closely to Mark Driscoll. Auntie S, do you know Mark Driscoll? Do you know what he says about marriage and men and women? Ooooh man. You might not want to Google that until you have blessed the hearts of a few thousand men.american in deutschlandnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-47404267474778861222012-07-31T00:00:42.342+01:002012-07-31T00:00:42.342+01:00I don't get it either. And not all are like th...I don't get it either. And not all are like that, either, by any means. But there are MORE than enough to make me very hesitant about smiling and saying hi after Mass.Charming Disarrayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15481799867576915560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-44445879057403781572012-07-30T22:38:41.774+01:002012-07-30T22:38:41.774+01:00So far God has given me Single readers and Polish ...So far God has given me Single readers and Polish grad students with housing issues He wants housed instead of babies. So I get a bit soppy. <br /><br />As for American traddery, I don't understaaaaand. Trad guys over here are great, and I know great Trad guys in Italy and Canada. Guys who really are chivalrous without making a song or dance about it or being really nasty about women and thinking this is okay.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-13685502900168717472012-07-30T22:21:27.581+01:002012-07-30T22:21:27.581+01:00Okay. I see. I sort of skimmed over the comment ab...Okay. I see. I sort of skimmed over the comment about the readers being easy to make fun of. That does put a different light on it.<br /><br />"I have to say I got a picture of what you are talking about when you talk about trad guys in the US."<br /><br />Usually people think I'm nuts until they've seen it for themselves. I'm sorry you had to see it, though.Charming Disarrayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15481799867576915560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-88257381498087016372012-07-30T22:07:42.820+01:002012-07-30T22:07:42.820+01:00Well, I didn't link to Super Trad because he d...Well, I didn't link to Super Trad because he definitely does not deserve the traffic. So nobody can see what they should be mad about. <br /><br />But, Charming Disarray, I have to say I got a picture of what you are talking about when you talk about trad guys in the US. Trad guys in Poland, or Trad Polish guys in Scotland, would punch him in the snoot if he said something like that about a woman they knew. Heck Heresy Hunter, the biggest baddest trad Catholic blogger in Canada, might ask him to step outside.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-74959813168785051562012-07-30T22:03:46.170+01:002012-07-30T22:03:46.170+01:00You know, if he had said he thought I was out to l...You know, if he had said he thought I was out to lunch, I wouldn't have been mad. In fact, if he hadn't had second thoughts and decided to tell everyone he wasn't making fun of me or you girls, I wouldn't have been mad. <br /><br />It was that he suggested that it would be easy to make fun of my "commenter's" (sic). That made me all tiger-mother (or tiger-auntie) because I cannot see how he or anyone else could make fun of you girls. Recent comments included a woman's testimony about how she was raped. <br /><br />So that puts me in the weird position of some guy both praising me and then hinting that my readers somehow can be made fun of. <br /><br />I'm mad because guys who just don't get it were getting me so down this spring that I more-or-less kicked all the guys out, even though I really liked a lot of those guys, some of whom have been reading for years. And what I'm left with is the most clueless guys still leaving comments while the thoughtful guys just read silently. <br /><br />Nobody, and I mean nobody, has ever before suggested my commentators might be easy to make fun of. Ryan wasn't being misogynist about women-in-general. In fact, I don't think he is misogynist. He's probably a nice, well-meaning guy. <br /><br />But I've been reading the comments for my readers for years. I read your letters. I answer your letters. I read your comments. I think about your comments. In so far as you can know someone over the internet, I know my readers. Sometimes I really worry about you. Sometimes I read a letter and cry. <br /><br />After six years of writing for my Single women readers, I'm pretty defensive about my Single women readers.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-23238117547131786252012-07-30T22:01:10.623+01:002012-07-30T22:01:10.623+01:00I mean, really, Mr. Super Trad making assumptions ...I mean, really, Mr. Super Trad making assumptions about your past and calling you a psuedo-trad seems a billion times worse, not to mention downright malicious. Why isn't everyone angry about that?Charming Disarrayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15481799867576915560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-70337166876940165212012-07-30T21:51:20.535+01:002012-07-30T21:51:20.535+01:00I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised by the re...I have to admit, I'm a bit surprised by the reaction to Ryan's post. I understand that you dislike men reading your blog, so an entire post by one about you and your readers is probably pretty annoying, but I don't quite get all the controversy. It sounded to me like his main point was that men should man up, stop being boys, and get married.<br /><br />I do agree that he seems to have misunderstood what women look for in a Catholic man (NOT someone who will shop with them, ugh) but compared to lot of the truly misogynistic things I hear Catholic men say or write on a regular basis, it seemed kind of tame and well-meant to me. I've been reading Ryan's blog for a while and I've disagreed with some of the things he's said about women (with regard to modesty in particular) but I think he has a genuine respect for women. And he usually writes about how men should act, which is something that, in my experience, is rarely found among Catholic male bloggers, especially young ones.<br /><br />I don't know. Not telling anyone how to react, obviously, but it seems to me that this kind of anger would be better reserved for the Catholic men who really do treat women like inferior beings. There are plenty of them out there, but I don't think, unless I've grossly misunderstood something, that Ryan is one of them.Charming Disarrayhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15481799867576915560noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-9598103173960731592012-07-30T21:04:16.877+01:002012-07-30T21:04:16.877+01:00I just don't get what it's got to do with ...I just don't get what it's got to do with anything I write. Without having done a survey on this, I've always got the impression that most of you girls are university students and professional women who have many interests of your own. If anything, the problem is illustrating to men that they might have something to add to your lives, not that they'll become your whole lives.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-69269198687042840032012-07-30T20:38:43.536+01:002012-07-30T20:38:43.536+01:00Have you ever really considered what a life comple...<i>Have you ever really considered what a life completely dedicated to God would look like in the lay world? Have you ever pictured the intensity, the single-mindedness with which a man (as opposed to a boy) pursues that which he has chosen? A true GCM is never going to belong entirely to his wife. He will have another life outside. He will have a vocation that is not you, and it will be his life’s work. </i><br /><br />(From Ryan's article.)<br /><br />Then let me humbly suggest that such a man - a man for whom his wife is an impediment to holiness - is called to follow in the footsteps of St. Paul, not one whose vocation is marriage. <br /><br />That said, I translated this from "man" into "English" as "I'm scared of marrying one of those women who quits her job, has a bunch of kids, stays at home with them, and then - here's the bad part, kids - totally forgets what life outside the home is like, or resents me for having one. I'm totally scared of marrying this interesting, fun woman who then becomes really clingy." I have no humble suggestions, other than to order one's marriage so that one's wife is able to leave the house occasionally.<br /><br />~theobromophileAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-5794678508417628032012-07-30T19:43:31.261+01:002012-07-30T19:43:31.261+01:00I am going to follow Eowyn's grandmother's...I am going to follow Eowyn's grandmother's advice )and frame it somewhere) and stick to the movie review, as well :) I felt guilty when I started watching "The Apartment" when I watched it on TCM a few years ago, but I was so glad I finished it! It is definitely an adult movie, with adult themes, but it really does have a good message - Adultery is not where "happily ever after" is found.Raehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08359586236980701254noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-57740613793868697722012-07-30T19:17:12.944+01:002012-07-30T19:17:12.944+01:00Eowyn, I love your grandmother's advice. I...Eowyn, I love your grandmother's advice. I'm going to take it to heart now, in case there are bears in my future...leoninenoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-14756763771959703212012-07-30T18:42:18.856+01:002012-07-30T18:42:18.856+01:00I decided I don't want to be angry today, so I...I decided I don't want to be angry today, so I stopped reading Ryan's article about 3 sentences in. As my grandmother says, being angry takes up all your adrenaline, and then what are you going to do if you get chased by a bear? <br /><br />I own "The Apartment" because it was gifted to me in a boxed set which included "Hello Dolly" which I liked before receiving the box set...unfortunately it also included "Some Like It Hot" which I watched first and which was too steamy for my sensibilities and so I am now wary of watching "The Apartment"...maybe I will reconsider?Eowynnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-38535830163694698492012-07-30T18:23:57.339+01:002012-07-30T18:23:57.339+01:00I really like his insistence that women must deal ...I really like his insistence that women must deal with the fact that real men have big important dreams and ambitions, and we must accustom our feminine hearts to not being the center of our man's world.<br /><br />Helloooo, half my hair-pulling, eye-rolling moments are from guys' reactions to the shocking revelation that I have career dreams and ideological commitments that I take very seriously---not the other way around.Clarehttp://babesinbabylon.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-35092554153916699322012-07-30T17:24:10.875+01:002012-07-30T17:24:10.875+01:00I went on a long walk into town for groceries--ble...I went on a long walk into town for groceries--blessing strangers on the way--and came back with four heavy bags of groceries in the rain, and the exercise--and blessing, no doubt--has calmed me down. <br /><br />There are hundreds of posts on this blog, and for all I know Ryan began reading only recently, so he might not have realized that I constantly harp on a "men are who they are and not who you want them to be" theme. <br /><br />He might not have reflected, either, that most of you are busy women who might think about your single state for, tops, the 15-30 minutes a day you read my blog and write comments. A lot of you are in grad school. Some of you are scientists. At least one of you logs in here from the USCCB. One logs in from NASA. Yeah, one of you is an astronaut or something, and I think that is amazing. <br /><br />One of the things about "men are who they are and not who you want them to be" is that some men are simply clueless about women but want to pontificate about or at women all the same. <br /><br />But whereas there a lot of man things you should just learn to put up with or even train yourself to find amusing, like never wanting to ask someone for directions, cluelessness about women is rather more serious and yet more correctable. It can be explained to a man that as a woman you actually know a lot more about women than he does. <br /><br />There are different schools of thought on how to deal with men needing to tell you what women are like or what women want. A very beautiful young friend of mine prefers to laugh politely and despise them inwardly. I prefer to argue. But only if they are clever and/or good-looking. If they aren't clever and/or good-looking they are wasting my time because I have a husband: I don't have to listen to their stupid opinions. <br /><br />Of course, if some guy is rude about my readers or use egregious cliches, I'm going to argue.Seraphichttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06251504033428511090noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-66655823665709719062012-07-30T16:53:15.540+01:002012-07-30T16:53:15.540+01:00I am so not giving that article the time of day. ...I am so not giving that article the time of day. I'm walking away with something positive here: borrowing "The Apartment" (and "Pillow Talk" per Jam's suggestion) from the library.<br /><br />P.S. I'm more of an "Eight Cousins" fan. :)Kate Phttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03555660993363611776noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6905236167079601771.post-38012572729633883152012-07-30T16:38:19.476+01:002012-07-30T16:38:19.476+01:00Wow... I admit I never understood why you were so ...Wow... I admit I never understood why you were so adamant about this being a women-only blog- until now. Ryan's post really gets under my skin because the thing I hate MOST about the Catholic-young-adult-dating-world is this horrible attitude of "men must be THIS WAY and women must be THIS WAY and anyone who doesn't fit the mold should reconcile themselves to being alone forever." He completely misses the point of what you write about, and his attitude is extremely off-putting. Never mind the fact that much of what he said is flat out wrong. For my part, I appreciate this blog and all the commenters. Keep doing what you're doing Auntie!Catherinenoreply@blogger.com