Monday, 18 July 2011

New Poll--Appeal to Catholic Men Under 30

I don't have many male readers, so I appeal to you all to spread the news of this poll to male Catholic blog-readers. They have to be Catholic because the question, which arises from the hopes and dreams of some of my female readers, is specific to Catholics:

I, a Catholic man under the age of 30, hope to support a stay-at-home wife and large Catholic home-schooled family.

Yes.

No.


Those Catholic men who answer the poll are invited to leave remarks on this post. The usual restrictions apply, which means that if I think a comment will offend or even frighten many of my female readers, I will take it down ASAP. Strong arguments are okay, but insults and bad language are not.

The home-school part is not optional.

29 comments:

Michael said...

I answered "no"

Actually my dream would be doing it like my parents did it: both partners working part-time in a good job (I as an economist, she as a physician, dentist etc....) and having 4 kids...

However, early this year I got to know a very good NCG whose dream was to become mother and housewife and I would be also quite happy with that. So it's not a dream but perfectly acceptable. Number of kids, I think, 4 plus/minus 1 is very good.

Anonymous said...

-Michael's vision is close to my ideal -- both mother and father in and out of the home.

-I don't desire a large family per se, but I do desire to be in a marriage that is open to life.

-I would probably send my hypothetical children to a parochial or public school.

Multum Incola said...

No.

I certainly hope to be ABLE to support a stay-at-home wife, large Catholic and home-schooled family, but I'm not dogmatic about any of the above.

1. Earning enough to be able to support them is a must.
2. Stay-at-home wife is something that would have to be decided between the partners, I wouldn't want to just lay that down.
3. Again, home-schooling is something that will have to be decided. One can get the cold shoulder from ones fellow trads if one questions the Home-schooling dogma, but I'm not wedded to the idea (not against either).

More generally, yes a Catholic man can hope to do all that if he gets a well-paid enough job!

Multum Incola said...

PS RE Largeness, I want as many kids as God wants to give me. That could be none! One or both partners could be infertile! Fiat mihi secundum verbum tuum.

Seraphic Spouse said...

Thanks, gentlemen! I look forward to more interesting comments from more Catholic men under 30. As ever, I hope to be rooted in reality, and to encourage my readers to be rooted in eality, and therefore it is helpful to know what nice Catholic men REALLY want.

Anonymous said...

I answered "no". The reason, as most people before me have stated, is the word "Hope".

- My dad earned enough to support the whole family. My mom stayed at home and that made a big difference in my life. I would like that to be the case in my family too.

- "Large" is relative. My mom had 13 siblings, my dad has 1. I want at least 3 children, but probably not more than 4. Is that large? Not really sure, haha.

- Homeschooling is almost non-existent in my home country (I'm not American) so I wasn't very familiar with the idea until very recently. My NCG has showed me some of the pros and cons, so I'm not opposed to the idea. Not about to go down swinging to defend it either though.

Do I see myself in a situation where I support a stay-at-home wife and large Catholic home-schooled family? Yeah, definitely. Do I hope for it to happen following those guidelines to the letter? Or even more accurate, would I be unhappy if it didn't turn out exactly that way? Not really, no.

Anonymous said...

I am a young, engaged Catholic male and I would like a large family (Lord willing.) I expect to be able to give my wife the opportunity to be a stay-at-home mother for if she would like that.

I voted no because I don't think my fiance would care much for homeschooling. If she wanted to do it then I would be for it. I think a parochial school would be better but that depends on where we live. If we are living someplace with poor schools or Catholic schools too expensive homeschooling may be an only option.

I think, knowing her, she would get bored with being a stay-at-home mother, (because all of her friends are working and not able to visit each other during the day like our grandmother's generation) but I'd like to give her the opportunity to stay at home when the children are young.

With me its largely about #1) pleasing the Lord and being open to the blessings the Lord wants to bring us, #2) making sure my wife is happy #3)making sure the children are raised well with a good education.

Irenaeus G. Saintonge said...

That is basically my plan. I'm en route to getting a decent job when I finish my degree. I just got engaged at the end of June, so we've been talking a lot about how those plans are going to work. Your poll basically matches that plan.

pomofo said...

Wow, I can't believe I'm only the second guy to vote yes. My mother stayed at home to raise us, and that's how I expect my children to be raised. A woman who isn't willing to stay home with her children isn't marriage material in my eyes. And I suffered so much at school that I will never submit my children to that type of abuse. Not to mention the waste of money, stifling of the desire to learn, and hazards to good Catholic formation that are present in ALL schools.

Louis said...

May I answer this as a 31 year old male - due to my age I have not voted in the poll?

I would not like to support a stay at home wife as I feel it is very difficult in Britain to survive with a family that only has one earner unless that earner has a very well paying job, which is unlikely to be true for me. However, I would hope for the woman to put her career on hold while the children were young and potentially drop to working part-time as they grow up.

I would not particularly want a large family, but that needs to be discussed with the wife.

As for homeschooling, I am really not a fan. I feel children need to be brought up in the real world and form there own relationships with at school. It is also questionable whether such children get a well-rounded education. All one can do is try to instill them with some values and warnings and hope you have done a good enough job.

Anonymous said...

I am a single Catholic man, but in my mid-30s, so hope that you don't mind me chipping in too. (Though I've not voted in the poll, so that the votes listed there match the description)

I suppose my answer is kind of "ish", but there isn't an "ish" option, it would, by default, more or less have to be "no"

The first part - I hope to support a stay-at-home wife - I do agree with, but with some flexibility of interpretation about what exactly that means. Yes, if I do marry I would expect to be the main breadwinner, and I do think that the mother should be the primary carer of children, at home; but I also think that (with sufficient financial resources) a mother can also work part-time outside the home (with the father working full time) without negative consequences. Indeed, perhaps with positive consequences, depending on the exact circumstances.

"large family" depends what you mean: if you mean the 15 kids that my father was the youngest of 13 to survive beyond a few months, in a two room flat in Glasgow, - how to put this other than "definitely not"! Four, five, maybe six, just maybe seven, children would be good. Certainly better, in all manner of ways, than a smaller family. But it may never happen, so one must see what is planned...

"Home schooling": my response is "it depends" - on many things. The character and wishes of my possible future wife, perhaps, above all. It's certainly not something I by myself would rule out (and indeed something that my last girlfriend and I very hypothetically discussed - and equally hypothetically ruled out).
Certainly parents should and must be involved in their childrens' education; but I don't think it always follows that they should neccessarily be - or are always those best placed to be - the primary educators (in the sense of schooling)

I have long thought that one of the most important summaries of Christian living is the command to "be in the world, but not of it". Although George Fox's line that "true religion don't turn a man out of the world, but helps him to live better within in" also has some appeal. (Loads of qualifications required about that one- but here is not the time nor place). I'd definitely NOT be happy to send any children to a "bog-standard inner city comp" were I to be living in London; the standard of education they offer in so many ways is quite inappropriate. But in other parts of the country (I'm in England) state schools (not restricted to Catholic schools, and not including all Catholic schools) certainly be relied on. In any case, regardless of the ethos that a particular school has, the particular ethos of the parents should, with good parenting, still be the dominant (or a dominant) influence. (I daresay some private or even in the English meaning "public" schools might appeal more - well as a semi-traddy I also have young-ish fogeyish tendencies - but from a financial perspective, unless I marry an heiress or somehow unexpectedly come into a fortune, that is not going to happen)

BG said...

Yes. Three children is the minimum; the only alternative to homeschooling is a trustworthy catholic school; the only acceptable job for a wife is a part-time job with her office at home. Obviously, more than three children, homeschooling, and not-working-at-all wife are even better options.

Multum Incola said...

I really want to know what Auntie Seraphic thinks about homeschooling?

Anonymous said...

One further point to my 22:06 comment - which is partially why I am only semi-enthusiastic about home-schooling and one reason (but not the only one, nor the most important one why I would run a mile from SSPX, but not FSSP, circles) is: Catholics in this country (England/Britain) were *forced* underground into ghettos for quite enough centuries: regardless of how corrupt and decadent the surrounding secular culture here today is (and it is), we should not create new ghettoes for ourselves, where we minister (in the broadest sense of that word, I am not thinking of EMHCs...) only to ourselves and mix only among ourselves: our mission is to the world and as part of that world, never forgetting that it is Satan who rules among it and that, yes, we are set apart; but we are part of it. That secular world is God's creation too - and needs our leaven. I fear that *if one does not take great care* home-schooling, etc, can lead to a complete isolation or alienation from that world, from our fellow children of God even they do not today recognize themselves as such.

Seraphic said...

I am thrilled by this unprecedented "Guys' Eye View" response, and I look eagerly forward for more. I am sure my majority-female readership does, too. Women marching into adulthood have a number of dreams about love, marriage and children, but as these things do take two, it's great to see what young Catholic MEN are thinking!

As for homeschooling, I don't know all that much about it myself. I went to local Catholic schools, and I think my siblings and I got good Catholic educations regardless, though I certainly needed a math tutor. I do know that I prefer single-sex education, and my first day at all-girls school was one of the happiest days of my life.

I would not have enjoyed being taught by my mother; she simply didn't have the patience. Experiments in teaching me embroidery, crocheting, etc., soon fell by the wayside.

Jeffery said...

This poll is difficult because of how narrow it is--I would have to say no to these specific parameters, but if there was a maybe option, I'd take it. It all has to do with which NCG God sends my way (and I her way) and what our aspirations are. N.B. I lean toward homeschooling, but I would possibly try the (Canadian) Catholic school system (I sort of look to reforming it from the inside as a music teacher someday)!

Anonymous said...
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NZ Katie said...
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Joy Therese said...
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mary said...
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some guy on the street said...

Before I read the preceding comments, I'll just say I've answered "no", just because I haven't a fixed hope on where I would be living should I ever marry. And really, whether the family as a whole is home-schooled will depend largely on what sort of children God entrusts to me and Mrs. Onthestreet, in conjunction with the local schooling options.

I should be thrilled no end to be able in a dignified way to provide for daily finances by my own labour, but I shouldn't prevent my (hypothetical) wife working in the market, if it were otherwise prudent.

In short, my hopes are not that specific.

As I also don't perceive a queue of ladies vying to have me disappoint all the others, it doesn't seem a pressing concern, either. The duty of the present moment is elsewhere.

Seraphic said...

Ladies, this is a men's poll. Normally I wouldn't do this, but I am removing your comments to keep this a man-only space (except for, inescapably me).

Irenaeus G. Saintonge said...

I'm kind of surprised that I'm in the minority on this one. :D

Young Canadian RC Male said...

I voted yes based on the wording of the question, the key word being "Hope"

However, the reality is that this is unlikely to happen. I'm approaching my 30's in a few years and I'm in essence running out of time. Furthermore, most women I know wouldn't settle for this life for a number of reasons: poor catechesis of the faith, secular/materialistic ubpringing, (both reasons therefore leading to a poor understanding of being in relationships with others and thus a marriage), need to have 2 incomes to maintain a certain lifestyle and also the kids education with our failing public and separate school systems ... (Toronto isn't a cheap city). In summary, this is more of a pipe dream because most women I know wouldn't even dream of this kind of life in our modern society for various reasons. Would I like this life Seraphic is having us vote for? Yes. Will the reality be achievable considering the majority of women today, especially Catholic ones? No.

Seraphic said...

Actually, I think a goodly percentage of my female readership would be happy to sign on the dotted line. Can you work in the US?

Anonymous said...

*cough* look up Catholic Christian Outreach *cough*

Multum Incola said...

Don't tempt us! If it's possible and desired I think more of the men here would go for it than you think, or than the wording of the question has led the poll to indicate.

Young Canadian RC Male said...

I guess you meant that for me Seraphic? Could I work in the US? Theoretically, yes. My profession is available in the USA. However, 1) I would need to be recertified and take the USA's equivalent of the National exam and maybe a state one too to work in my fields. 2) I would have to obtain US citizenship. 3) I'd be all alone as all my family is here in Ontario, Canada. 4) Furthermore, going away even partially (M-F, weekends at home) in University didn't go so well for me, having come from an overprotective, oversupportive family. 5) I am also in a situation like your latest poster who is also trying to find work in the healthcare field (though I'm not an RN)but maybe isn't my vocation, and it wasn't my first option to do what I am certified to do as a career. I really wanted to do genetic research, but point 3) sums up why that dream fell apart as a short answer.
I guess the better question to ask, is where are these women in Canada? Maybe I got to move out to rural countrysides? Are there any more traditional minded women left like the ones you describe in your poll? Not sure if you can answer that due to you living in Scotland x months or years now with B.A.

Seraphic said...

I guess I could do a poll for that, too!