Thursday, 4 November 2010

Fourth Blogversary

Well, well, well. Four years of blogging almost every day. It leaves me almost speechless. In four years, I have had five blogs, although one only had 17 entries, so it doesn't really count. The ones that count are:

Seraphic Singles: Nov 4, 2006 - April 24, 2008
Still Seraphic (when I had to shut down the first blog because pushy men were figuring out who my girl friends were, and they freaked)
Seraphic Meets Bridezilla (after I got engaged)
Seraphic Goes to Scotland (after I got married)

and

Seraphic Singles (again!) because my publisher asked me to start it up again. This is all to promote my book, so I hope you have bought my book, people!

Life can change quite a lot in four years. The tone of the original Seraphic Singles, which you find in my book, the one you're going to buy if you haven't already, differs greatly from the tone of this blog because, as you know, I got married in the end. Trying to maintain Single Lady credibility when you are married is a real snore. However, I will always have been over 27 and Single for more than a decade, and now I have a Married Lady perspective on Single Life as well as having my Single Lady perspective on the topic well documented.

For a trip down memory lane, here is my first blogpost ever, coming at you from November 4, 2006, in a big cold bedroom in Brighton, Massachusetts. A version of this begins my book, Seraphic Singles (Novalis, 2010), in the USA, The Closet's All Mine (Liguori, 2010).

"Not every woman who wants to get married, gets married. This is a cold, hard fact that many of us want to run from. Similarly, not everybody who gets divorced and an annullment gets that second chance. Or we blow that second chance. Sometimes, our prince doesn't come.

There are a myriad of reasons why this prince might not arrive. Some are historical, like most of the men leaving town for work, or the anti-marriage trend of the Sexual Revolution. Some have to do with our circumstances: we work in a mostly female environment, or in a profession dominated by gay men, or in a profession dominated by celibate men, like priests and religious, or in a community where everyone else got married at 22. Some have to do with our poor choices: we dated the wrong man for a decade and have been dumped; we date only unmarriageable men; we are drinking alcoholics; we are using users; we are backstabbing bitches that no-one can stand to be around.

Some have to do with personal tragedies: we are physically scarred, maimed, or plain as a pan of milk; we are wheelchair bound; we are chronically ill; we are "old"; we have been irreparably slandered in our communities; we are big-boned, full-figured, or just heavy women, and no matter what we do, we cannot lose the weight. That is why Prince Charming has not come.

Or maybe not. Maybe some of us are just "too picky." I hear this one a lot, especially from grumpy single men. But what I, and many other chronically single women, usually want is just a nice man whose looks we find attractive, who is intelligent and funny and faithful, who goes to church, who has a job that he enjoys and is proud of, and brings in enough income so that if we lose our jobs, or have a baby, we all won't be in a financial mess. I wrote this once on a website, and a poster wrote, "Wow, you're picky!" So maybe these men don't exist anymore or were all snapped up when they were 22.

Or maybe not. Maybe it is an unplumbable mystery. Maybe, for some unscrutable reason of His own, God has decreed from eternity that many of my single friends and I will never find The Right Man. Maybe, in fact, we have been called to be Single.

I am a Roman Catholic, and for Catholics, being called by God to be Single, doesn't mean have been given divine sanction to be swinging singles, living only for ourselves and the moment. It means we have to figure out how we can serve God and neighbour as single women. Unfortunately, it also means putting up with a lot of disrespect and presuppositions from others, even other devout Catholics. Some people think that single women are selfish. Others think we are losers. What I hope to do with this website is give a lift to the thousands of single women who are gradually losing hope that they will ever get married (or married again), or who have decided to cut their losses and embrace the state of life God has placed them in."

***
I hope I'm still doing that.

11 comments:

ceciliamschwartz said...

Congrats on four years, Seraphic!! Your encouragement and support make embracing the highs and lows of the Single life much easier.

Here's wishing you many returns of the day!

Maggie said...

Congrats on your four years! I for one am grateful your publisher encouraged you to restart this Singles project; as much as I enjoy reading about your adventures in Scotland, I am far more attached to your good Aunt-ly advice, and have recommended this blog to many of my fabulous Single friends. On their behalf as well as my own: thank you!

Amy said...

Seraphic, I for one am so glad you started (and continued!) blogging about the single life. Thank you for such a generous service - God bless you!

Seraphic said...

Thank you!

aurah85 said...

Congrats Seraphic!
I really enjoy your blog... Thanks for the time that you spend writing it!
I wish there was a Spanish version so I could recommend it to my girlfriends back home, I am sure they would enjoy it as much as I do :)

dark but fair said...

Dear Seraphic,

Thank you so much for starting this splendid and much-needed blog. The fact that you are married only adds to the hope, consolation and vision that you give to all the women who have read, the ones who read it now, and the ones to come. Thank you so much!

Kate P said...

Happy "blogiversary," Seraphic!

Fritha said...

Congrats on four years. Your blog (and book!) has been an incredibly useful resource for me, and has helped me immensely over the last few years. Thank you.

Pat said...

I really love this blog. I don't even know how I got here but I'm definitely staying.
I am a divorced annulled Catholic woman.
My ex left me when I was 40 with 4 children under the age of 8.
I am now 52 and I've been on a Catholic singles site with absolutely NO hope whatsoever.
Virtually ALL the men in my age group are interested in women minimum 10 years younger.
This means I have men in their 60's contacting me.
:(
I was married for 14 years and didn't want to be divorced.
But I see very little hope of finding a Catholic man interested in me.
I have learned to embrace my singleness.

Maybe some day God will bless me with the gift of a husband who will truly love me and whom I will love too!
God bless
Pat

Seraphic said...

Pat, it sounds like you have been through the wringer! I cannot imagine what it would be like to be divorced with four little children to love and support. You must be a very strong person to have soldiered on alone for the past 12 years.

Internet dating, I firmly believe, is driven by photographs, and photographs play into a false notion of beauty. The photos of 25 year olds almost always look better than the photos of 52 year olds, which does not give 52 year olds on sites with 25 year olds much of an advantage!

However, I know very personable unmarried 50-somethings who have very active social lives, enjoy friendships, travel and the arts and generally thrive in the Single life. If they eventually married, I would not be surprised, but if they enjoyed being Single until their last day, I would not be surprised by that either.

For some reason I have been dying to tell you that some men in their 60s are very good looking, but the only ones I can think of for the moment are priests! I think, though, if I were 52, Single and that interested in dating, I would just accept that I appealed to the 60-something market and see if I liked any of my potential suitors. Of course, my mum would shout, "Make sure he isn't just looking for a nurse!"

Pat said...

Dear Seraphic,
I actually am attracted to men a little older than myself (or the same age - it doesn't matter!) so it's not a huge problem.
But when you get men who are 67 contacting you - there is a kind of "ugh" factor involved.
BUT, as you said about the nurse thingy, that IS exactly my concern.
Having taken care of 4 children on my own for the past 12 years (and I still have a few more years to go before the youngest is out of the house) I don't want to step into a situation where I end up being a nurse for the next 20!
Of course, there are no guarantees in life! ;)

I quite agree that internet dating is almost entirely driven by the visual.
In fact, most of the men readily admit that if they don't feel a "chemistry" from looking at the photograph they move on.

What they don't realize of course is that what they are feeling is not "chemistry"!
So called "chemistry" comes from a real, living, breathing interaction with another human being - not from their photograph.

I think I will enjoy this blog very very much! :D
God bless,
P