Thursday, 25 November 2010

Thanksgiving Dinner Challenge

Contestants must be Single, American, between the ages of 12 to 112, and attending a big Thankgiving Dinner tonight.

The rules are simple: every time someone asks you today or tonight, in the context of a Thanksgiving gathering, if you have a boyfriend (or girlfriend) yet, OR asks when you are getting married, you get a point. You get a point for every family member who chips in, too.

For example:

Uncle Art: So when are you getting hitched, Mary Claire? (1 Point)

Aunt Kate: Art. Mary Claire has plenty of time, don't you, dear? After all, you're only 28. (1 Point)

Helpful Brother Bobby: She's 32.

Aunt Kate: Really? (Looks appalled.) Oh dear. (1 point)

Grandma (slighly deaf): And have you found anyone special, dear? (1 point).

Another Example

Aunt Mary: And where's that young man I've been hearing about, Grace? (1 Point)

Grace: He's with his family in Wasilla.

Uncle Mike (chanting): I once knew a girl in Wasilla/who thought a new man would fulfilla. (2 Points--horrible limericks inspired by your love life are worth 2 Points)

Aunt Sue (wife of above): Mike.

Uncle Mike: Is his last name Palin? (1 Point)

Cousin Jerry: Are there Palin sons?

Aunt Mary: You wouldn't marry a Republican, would you, Grace? (1 Point)

Grace's Mother: He's very apolitical, apparently. (1 Point)

Grace: Do you mind not discussing him when he's not here?

Grace's Entire Family: Oooo-ooooh! (1 point)

After collecting your points, you must redeem them here in the combox, offering as proof of each point more-or-less what your relation said. Cite your dinner host's state of residence (e.g. Illinois).

No fair egging your relations to humilate you. The winning contestant must be an innocent victim.


Julie said...

Haha, I scored a zero because my aunt was sadly unwell today. I like the scoring though. And then I was cleaning up this morning and here is the book I brought home and nearly left sitting out today:

"What Difference Does A Husband Make?" by E. Heineman.

It's about women in postwar Germany (-ies) but given the title I figured I should put it away!

theobromophile said...

Um, either "zero" or "at least twenty-five".

Zero, if the rules are construed strictly (no one asked me when I am getting a boyfriend or getting married). The twenty-five would come in from the loooong conversations that were had about "Why haven't you brought that radiologist over to meet us yet" query.

Ten minutes after my dad and little sister picked me up at my house:
Dad: How's the hubby?
Me: Good; he's with his sister today.
Dad: When are we going to get to meet him?
Sister: I want to meet this guy! Hey, how old is he, anyway? Isn't he wicked old?
Me: MmmyeahIdunno.
Dad: I think that [your oldest sister] should be the one to meet him first.
Sister: Why her?
Dad: Why not?
Sister: Why should she be the first to meet him? I want to check this guy out.
Dad: I think we would all be good screeners. Why don't you bring him around, chocolate-lover?
Me: mmmm...
[more of the same until they got bored of the subject]

Upon arrival at relative's house:
Stepmum: How's your boyfriend? Why didn't you bring him today?
Me: He's good, and he's with his family.
Stepmum: I want to meet this guy!
Me: I'll bring him around... sometime.
Stepmum: We want to meet this guy!
Sister: Yeah, we were talking about this in the car.
Stepmum: Isn't he old? How old is he?
Me: Early forties, and no, he isn't old.
Sister: I want to meet him! Dad thinks that [oldest sister] should meet him first, but I want to see what he's like.
Stepmum: We should all meet him! Bring him by for dinner.
Me: He's really nice.
[ad nauseum]

Before dinner:
Me: I made this risotto for [bf]. I'm assuming he liked it, because he didn't just go for seconds, which could be politeness; he went for thirds.
Stepmum: Who doesn't like your risotto?
Me: True... but he likes carbs, so I had that going for me.
Stepmum: Is this guy fat?
Me: No; he's in great shape. He just likes carbs.

(I want a point for that!)

At my parents' friends' house
My dad: [oldest sister] is coming up for Christmas and bring her boyfriend with her.
Friend: [chocolate-lover], when are we going to meet your boyfriend?
Me: mmmmyeahIdunno.
Friend: Bring him by sometime! We have to see what he's all about.
Her husband: [My wife] would be a good person to meet him; she's a good judge of character.
Friend: I am... and I want to meet this guy.

A few minutes later, the age discussion commenced... again.

Maggie said...

I spent a lovely day with my best friend and her family. She, her sister, and I are all single, and thankfully we all ended the day with a score of zero, then went to see Harry Potter. :-)

bolyongok said...


Brother: So, what happened with that guy that you met- did you break up?

Me: Yep.

Brother: I'm not surprised.

Mother: There are lots of nice men out there! -Name- was nice, wasn't he?

Me: We broke up.

Dad: You're really brave. Lots of girls your age would have just called it good.

Me: I know that's a compliment but you should know it didn't sound like one.

Dad: Oops...

Co-worker: Are you married? (Saw my 'married to the Navy' ring which looks more like a class/school ring than not)

Long-time friend: So whatever happened to -Name-?
Me: We broke up.

bolyongok said...

Forgot to mention the location of the dinner party which accounts for the fact that there are only four possible points and I defer to Auntie Seraphic in my uncertainty that any of them count- due to job, I am away from my immediate family this holiday and attended a command-sponsored dinner.

dark but fair said...

I gained at least three points because my Grandmother asked me three times if me and my boyfriedn were going to get married any time soon.

Oh course if you count the times that relatives asked me why my boyfired and I broke up once in the past, that is another two point.

If you count the questions about why we got back together that is another one point.

But those were the parts of the evening I did not mind so much. Why oh why oh why did I go?

Seraphic said...

ROFL at the relatives. Okay, so far Theobromphile is winning in the With Boy/Girlfriend Category although we note she brought the "Is he fat?" comment upon herself by talking about the boyfriend. We wonder how many times Theobr. volunteered information. <:-O

Bolyongok is winning in the No Boy/Girlfriend Category, and we appreciate her candour. "Lots of girls your age"---wah ha ha ha ha! DADS.

Dark but Fair, the charitable answer is that you love your family (or maybe just your mother) and hoped to make them (or her) happy by turning up. The uncharitable answer is that you were not rooted in reality and thought "this" Thanksgiving would be different.

dark but fair said...

Thanks, I needed that.

The Sojourner said...

Does my 4-year-old sister asking, "Is Scott here yet?" count?

(He is coming on Saturday. We made the mistake of telling her on Wednesday that he was coming to visit.)

Kate P said...

As I predicted on my blog on Wed., zero points for me.

I did, however, feel a few twinges because "Snow White" and "Beauty and the Beast" were on TV (for the Niece, not me!). . . but I also could have been getting tired from playing a three-hour Uno game with Middle Nephew (who kept getting distracted by the TV and also was out of sorts b/c Mommy was away).

I really tried to be a good auntie (and daughter, by jumping in to save my Dad whom Middle Nephew originally asked to play Uno).

Seraphic said...

No points for the 4 year old, who obviously has a crush on Scott and wants on some innocent 4 year old level to steal him for herself.

Kate P, "Snow White" is a very stupid movie, responsible for the egregious "Some Day My Prince Will Come." That has damaged the psyches of too many generations of women. No Single woman should watch it unless she hankers to live in a house with seven elderly men, all of whom worship her and pay for her keep. Do you think later she regretted leaving the dwarves? They probably snored, though, and no matter how much Prince Charming snores, it wouldn't be as loud as seven dwarves snoring.

"Beauty and the Beast" is somewhat better, especially as the hero is cuter as a Beast and Beauty has to settle for his less cute princely appearance. A class of 13 year old girls to whom I taught Latin once pointed this out to me, and they were right.

sciencegirl said...

Zero for me! I had a very nice time at grad student parties where dating was not mentioned once.

Anonymous said...

I got my whole family playing this game - I am the oldest of five girls in a row, some dating, some not ... and we had a great time with it. So here's our rundown

Uncle: So who will be the first girl to get married (1 point for everyone)
Reply: Sister 3
Uncle: well we always knew she would be first (1 point for Sister #3)

Cousin: (Later in night) So who will be the first to get married (1 more point for everyone)
Reply: Same as above

Uncle (who is celibate): So when am I going to meet that boyfriend (1 point for sister #4)

Small cousin, age 5: I have a question. It starts with the letter L. (then he spells out) L-O-V-E ... Have you ever kissed?
Sister #3: (lying, I might add) No, you don't kiss until you're married (ps we do not advocate this approach in my family)
Small cousin leaves then returns to say: You're lying! (how many points?? we think at least two for this!)

So it seems sister #3 won, but we all had at least 2 points thanks to the questions directed towards all of us:)

PS I love this blog - Thanks so much for all your wonderful advice and awesome perspective and wisdom about being single!

Seraphic said...

Because Anonymous said such flattering things, her anonymous comment may stand. But you are Sister #1 from now on, Anonymous, unless you can think of a better Nom de Combox!

Congrats to Sister #3 on her in-house win!

Tess said...

I'm the oldest of 6 girls, some dating and some not. I've been single the longest (not counting the ones who are too young to date), so I got plenty of comments. I didn't exactly keep score, but here are a few highlights...

Grandma told me she's been praying for me to "find a rich husband" after I finish school.

Dad suggested that his six girls should start their own convent, "The Sisters of Perpetual Chastity" and the littlest can be Mother Superior.

Mom and I pulled the wishbone together and she got the big end. Afterward she whispered, "I wished for you to find a good man to marry." I was relieved to hear that, as I'd wished for the same thing!

Seraphic said...

That's a clear 3 points. If you are over 30, I give you 3 bonus points for the wishbone. If under 30, just one.

The Sojourner said...

No points for the 4 year old, who obviously has a crush on Scott and wants on some innocent 4 year old level to steal him for herself.

Wow, Auntie Seraphic is even good at figuring out 4-year-old singles. :)

theobromophile said...

Seraphic: I rarely volunteer any information, especially any information of actual substance (as opposed to "NCM, like the rest of the world, adores my risotto!"). That was the only time yesterday that I volunteered a thing.

On another note, I often tread that fine line between keeping my privacy and my adult life, and knowing that if I don't tell my family what is going on with various dates and boyfriends, that they will construct an alternate reality that would make you launch into one of your fabulous "the concrete is good" posts about concentrating on what is real, not on an elaborate fantasy land.

Alisha said...

Not American but playing anyway because it's timely...

Great Uncle: T'es toujours belle toi! Lui, (indicating a male friend), est ce qu'il c'est que t'es belle?

Me: Oui, mon oncle, mais c'est pas mon copain. Je t'ai dit que j'veux pas me marier.

GU: T'es fait pour être maman toi! Think, you would have beautiful kids. Your kids would be angels!

Me: Mais c'est pas ça que je veux mon oncle. And he's not Catholic.

GU: That doesn't matter. Think about it.

(I did. How odd. My conclusion, despite the awesomeness of my friend, after that 10 unnecessary seconds, was exactly the same!)

GU: (as I was carrying around my nephew) Imagine - lui, c'est comme le petit Mozart. You and him, your baby would be the Beethoven!

I don't know the rules of the game, but I assign myself many points for embarrassing my friend who I'm fairly sure overheard it! I also assign myself random bonus points because he's the 4th or 5th person to make ref to my friend and I that way in the past week.