Today we have a guest post from "Alias Clio" a long-term reader who married one of her own readers this year. Knowing that she has written a lot on the subject, I asked her to write about Game.
Once upon a time, mothers and aunts and just about every woman older than you thought it was our job to warn you about men's wicked ways. Most older women don't seem to like doing that anymore; I, frankly, love it. I love men, but some are rats, just as some have always been rats. And it still boggles my mind how fluently and easily the rats lie about stuff no woman I know would ever lie about. And you know, there's something about a seminarian inviting you back to his room at 1 AM that adds a note of cynicism into a girl's cheery outlook on life.
Meanwhile, the goal of warnings is not to scare you to death, but just to encourage you to be observant and to remember that not all the men you meet are good men, no matter how cute they may be.
Without more ado here is Alias Clio on Game.
GAME by Alias Clio
What is Game?
Game, which goes by many names, is a strategy for increasing men's ability to communicate dominance in social settings. Its ultimate goal is to help men secure sexual partners or a mate by assuming the aura of untroubled ease possessed by self-confident "alpha" males. Although a skill some men possess intuitively ("naturals"), and others learn by imitation, it has become big business in the last 15 years. Those who have acquired the skill are often known as pick-up artists (PUAs).
Vanity is of the Devil
Seraphic has asked me to write about Game, and her wish is my command. But let me be clear about something: Few women suffered as much from Game-players as I did before I got married. Contemplating this truth over the years, I at last came to the conclusion that it was vanity, more than anything else, that put me in harm's way. It isn't that I or most Game victims are exceptionally sure of ourselves, as that we tend to suffer from a strange mixture of vanity and insecurity, the kind of vanity, I mean, that is always looking for outside validation. Without this combination, we would be much less vulnerable to the kind of Game which is intended to exploit these qualities and which is most likely to lead victims to misery or humiliation.
That said, do you really have to worry? After all, surely nice Catholic boys aren't going to have heard of Game, let alone try it out on nice Catholic girls? Well, first, stories of Game's success at attracting desirable women – young, pretty, and unspoilt – have spread around the world. Even the nicest Catholic boys are not immune to such rumours. Two, bear in mind that many men would like to marry a virgin and will seek them out in churches and similar venues. I wish to make it clear that I'm not hostile to Game as such: I think that, like The Rules, it can provide an essential boost to men's self-confidence, aside from the fact that it's more honest about female nature in general than society has taught young men to be. Still, some Game-players – not all – are quite indifferent to the happiness or well-being of their victims, and it's wise to be aware of their existence and their tactics.
Taxonomy of Game
I don't intend here to describe the details of Game techniques. There are many books on the subject (try The Mystery Method) for those who are curious about things like "negs", "wingmen", "social proof", and the like. What I want to do is describe the several unexpected avenues – or should I say the disguises - by which a cunning Game-player might approach a nice Catholic Girl in the hope of winning her over. These aren't so much descriptions of Game's tactics as of the way the tactics can be used to mislead or deceive. Game, as I observed at the start, is all about the display of social dominance. The types of dominance I describe below are largely in the moral realm, rather than financial or social , though I have included a short description of 2 types of intellectual game. I believe that these are all especially likely to be effective on [devout] Catholic women.
1. Intellectual Game:
Sizing you up, a Game-player will have deduced in advance that you aren't interested in the frivolities that move other women. He will make great capital out of this, subtly mocking the less intelligent and indicating the superiority of your shared tastes – all while never complimenting you directly. This is one of the less deadly forms of Game, as it tends to work only on would-be intellectuals who need a little boost in their confidence. But it is potent enough that it helps a few professors marry their students every year.
2. Complexity Game:
Some game-players, conscious that the above approach risks landing them the dullest and least attractive of the women available to them, will try a more complex version of Intellectual Game. They will take note of a woman's careful dressing, and the fact that she is carrying a copy of – for instance – Lolita, and recognise that she is not trying for a one-note image. In negging you, a wise Gamester might say something like, "Love the boots! But isn't Nabokov a little obvious?"
3. Heart Game:
A man will claim to have been so overwhelmed by your beauty/brains/personality that he can think of nothing else. How can you hurt him?
This is a tactic to which "nice" girls are particularly vulnerable: the approach that is so over-the-top that, when combined with a little humour and a little skill in the making of compliments, it can overwhelm you into suspending your better judgment, and keep you hooked in the belief that he would be so hurt if you left him. Great skill is needed to pull this one off, or the man can appear to be wimpy, or a stalker. But even less skilled purveyors have used the "I will be so hurt if you leave me" suggestion to their advantage; it's just not as likely to work for them, since any hint of whininess tends to drive most women away.
4. White Liberal Guilt Game:
You may not be a liberal. You may not be white. But if you have had a standard education at a state school, the chances are you suffer from white liberal guilt, a quality that can make you a sitting duck for a clever Game-player (and for actual crooks, but that's another story). A Gamer might exploit it by emphasizing his race ("Here comes the white-bread chick!"); his relative financial deprivation ("Boy, must be nice to take the good things of life for granted...."); his working-class origins ("Aren't we posh!"); even his homosexual orientation. (Er, yes, that did actually happen to me. Don't ask.) He might also emphasize his "bad boy" qualities, and hint that you are mean or bitchy or prejudiced for rejecting him on such grounds. This is particularly clever, since many nice girls are drawn to bad boys in spite of themselves, and this approach guarantees that they can catch you coming or going. A really skilled Game-player can use guilt both to draw you in and push you away, and then draw you back in again.
5. Catholic Guilt Game:
Men who live and work in Catholic circles will adjust their Game to appeal to the kind of women they encounter there. The approach will probably vary depending on the level of education of both the Game-player and his victim, but some of the common themes will include references to children, your age, not leading men on, and the hint that you might just not be feminine enough to hold on to a man if you have not married by some arbitrary age. I haven't encountered this much myself, so it's possible that I may be unaware of its permutations and subtleties, but by all accounts, it's both vicious and effective. [Seraphic's Note: I have encountered this, and yes, it is certainly both vicious and effective.]
6. Other Women Game
Potentially effective on any woman of whatever status. Convince a woman she has many rivals but is somehow special to the Game-player and she may well linger in the face of flagrant infidelity. Even the most beautiful and sexually successful women can be won over by this approach (Diana Mosley, anyone?), so don't feel too stupid if it has momentarily captured you. Just walk away. Incidentally, this approach – allowing a woman to know about her rivals, even if they're not real – is known to Game-boys as providing oneself with "social proof". It is unfortunate that women are more likely to find a man attractive if he has been given a stamp of approval by other women.
Millions of men who attempt Game and would not consider using the particular tactics I outline here. They are likely to be working on women who are neither traditionally Catholic, nor sexually virtuous, and thus have an entirely different set of priorities. But the kind of man to whom a nice Catholic girl is likely to be vulnerable is probably not driving a Ferrari or boasting of the size of his income, so you don't have to worry about those fellows. The techniques I've described are the kind to which well-intentioned, self-consciously "nice" women, who nevertheless are unsure of themselves in some way, may fall victim.
Thank you very much, Clio!