Monday, 12 April 2010

Auntie Seraphic and Ticking Clock

Dear Auntie Seraphic,

There may very well be some eligible Catholic bachelors of a decent sort and age out there, but then the hurdle is how do you meet them? We don’t normally attend bars, or social clubs, and at church-related gatherings everything you do is on the spotlight. You can’t lift a pinky without everyone knowing. Catholic websites are a waste of time; I’m constantly having to turn guys down who think that when I say what I’m looking for I don’t really mean it. I’m tempted to let myself go and not try any longer and accept I will never get married.

OK. So there's my plight. It's Eastertide, and again I'm alone. My clock is ticking. So I turn to you, a complete stranger (no pressure). I'm trying to brainstorm ways of connecting with like-minded individuals on the internet. Maybe you can help. I'd like to try to 'meet' someone once and for all, but I can't think of how to go about it. It seems I've tried all the conventional ways. I'm not unattractive, but I'm out of ideas.

Ticking Clock

Dear Ticking Clock,

What if you got a telegram from God saying you were never getting married? Game over. Mystery solved. Would you roll into a little ball and die, or would you have a bit of a cry, sigh, and throw a "Mystery Solved" party, complete with No-Wedding gifts? After that, would you live the life of a hermit, or would you throw yourself into activities without an ounce of self-conciousness, knowing that whatever you did, it wouldn't hurt your marriage prospects because you have none?

My advice is to get out there, bask as unself-consciously in the church spotlight as a naturalist on a sunny nude beach, and stop sizing up men for their husband potential. Get off the stupid dating websites, which are next door to mail-order catalogues, and meet all kinds of people. Young people who need mentoring. Old people who need visits. Mothers your age who would kill for a chance to leave their kids with you and get their hair done. Party like it's 1999.

You are never going to meet the Mr. Perfect you are carrying around in your head, so dump him on the side of the road. My imaginary Mr. Perfect was tall, blond, clean-shaven and German. The love of my life turned out to be short, brown-haired, bearded and Scottish. If I had written him off just for having a beard, I would not be Seraphic Spouse today. Meanwhile, I wasn't really looking when I found him. I just thought of him as a nice friendly guy who had offered me a place to crash in Scotland.

Hang out with people you have classified as "nice & friendly" and there's no telling what might happen. Let go and let God.

Grace and peace,


Anonymous said...

Dear Auntie Seraphic,
You have forgotten perhaps the fact that a publicly available blog can bring one to the attention of the kind of man one wants, and in a far more natural way than a dating website could manage it.

Blogging does allow one to make friends with members of the opposite sex, without the self-consciousness that EHarmony or other such sites impose. There's no guarantee that any of these friendships will lead to romance - but the odds to appear to increase favourably when you're a blogger, even a pseudonymous one, as I always was.


Seraphic said...

That's very true, Clio. Maybe I should write a post on the topic.

The problem is that most blogs are as dull as stale doughnuts. Everyone can and should write (privately), but not everybody has discovered their voice yet. When I read some Catholic blogs, with their intensely boring piety, I click away so fast I feel a twinge in my almost-got-carpal-tunnel wrist.

Besides the problem of piety, there is the problem of emo. For some reason, some bloggers think nothing of cataloguing their worst sins and personal problems on the internet. Now, of course, this can get you a lot of attention, but no man or woman with a grain of sense is going to go intentionally out of their way to befriend the blogger who had, for example, a crippling porn addiction that led to the end of his marriage.

But to those who are good writers and can write with both prudence and creativity, I say "Go ahead and blog!" It becomes part of "getting out there."

theobromophile said...

A few men had (jokingly) asked me to wed them on my blog, as I don't hide my Single state.

My advice: blog about what interests you and what makes you happy. (Yes, that "men love a woman with a big smile" thing... try for the internet version of whatever makes you smile!) The things that interest you in real life will make your writing interesting to read.

IMHO, the most boring blogs are the ones with AN AGENDA. Whether it be to drip piety, to complain about one's marriage and one's addictions, or to rant on a particular topic, it's not pleasant. (Seraphic Singles has a purpose, but that's different from having an agenda. Trust this.)