Wednesday, 14 April 2010

Hellooooo Catholic Matchers!

Monica, how nice! But don't put up the WHOLE thing, poppet, or it makes it harder for me to sell later. Like Catholic dating websites, I'm in it for the money. Well, not as much as Catholic dating websites, but I do like to get paid occasionally.

So much to say! Well, first of all, I think Robert-XXX130* sounds like a very nice man. And thanks to everyone who said they enjoyed the articles.

Second--poppets!!!--I know this is a "let's just be honest" society, but try to think of how you come across to people reading your comments. Think "happy"! Think "fun"! Use words like "happy" and "fun". Talk about stuff you like, not stuff you don't like. I don't mind if you say you don't like my stuff, but men and women alike go for people they perceive to be happy and fun. Reread Robert-XXX130* and ponder his brilliance.

Third, I'm not American. Many of my ancestors are American, but I'm not. Be more discriminating in your insults. And, really, American men should not use the word "American" as a way to insult women. It's disloyal to your country, and it's dumb to use it that way on dating sites read primarily by American women. Come on. Use your brains!

Fourth, at no time ever would I ever tell a woman to hide her intelligence. At school and at work, strut your stuff. Win all the arguments. Knock them dead. But--and here's where we women can learn from men--try to compartmentalize a little bit. Compete like crazy at school and work, but afterwards let your hair down. Relax. Don't have this conversation in the church hall:

Man: So where do you go to school?

Woman: I'm doing my PhD at UCLA but I did my M.A. at Brown and I did my B.A. at Harvard.

Man: Whoa, Harvard!

Woman: Yep, I was class valedictorian, too. So what do you do?

Man: Oh, well, I work at a law firm, but you know it's not really... Wow, Harvard!

Woman: Yeah, it was pretty great. Where did you go?

Man: Oh, well, uh. You know. State.

Woman: Oh, uh, cool.

Man: So, Harvard. Whoa. I guess I'm totally out of my league here. Got any friends who went to State?

I mean, HELLO, the poor man was just trying to get a conversation started. It was not a job interview!

The number one thing that men hate to feel is stupid. Girls, please, please, please don't think you are going to make a man respect you by insulting his intelligence or his education, or bragging about yours at the expense of his. Of course, the same applies to men, but men seem to know better than women that this is completely counter-productive.

Man at Party: You know, I just don't support what the governor is doing about the highways.

Woman at Party: Are you stoned? Listen, unlike you, I have a B.A. from Duke in urban planning, and I think... blah, blah, blah.

Man at Party: Uh, excuse me, I just am going to get some punch. (Gets some punch, says) Jeepers!

Second Woman at Party: Sorry?

Man at Party: Oh, nothing! I just mentioned how I felt about the highway plan, and this woman jumped down my throat.

Second Woman at Party: Oh, the highway plan. I read about that. What do you think about it?

Man: I love it!

Woman: Really? I thought everyone hated it.

Man: No, I love it.

Woman: That's intriguing! How come?

Man: Well, to put this into perspective, I own a fleet of trucks, and so as a businessman...(etc).

Is there any conversationalist better and smarter than someone who is willing to listen and ask intelligent questions? No. That's all I'm saying, girls. That and it's okay to read Georgette Heyer novels on the bus.

Update: (This was advice to the poor woman who first posted my blogposts in their entirety and THEN had the temerity to link to my photo to make fun of it. Presumably she's seen the update, and I've taken it down.)

Update 2: The thread is gone, but my mixed feelings remain. I think it's great more Singles have discovered my blog, but I have this thing about copyright violation. It makes me (or my editor at the CR) contact websites and mention lawyers. (I get most of my photos from wikicommons, peeps!)

*Since the post is down, there's no point in me pointing out that specific Robert as a model, and Robert might not have appreciated the extra publicity anyway. I still think he sounded like a nice, intelligent man, though.


healthily sanguine said...

Preach it! :)

Madame Lefty said...

I found your blog through that very website, and for the record, I love it and the articles about how to be a good Catholic girl/boy. :->

Alisha said...

I agree you don't have to hit someone over the head with your education...just answer the questions you were asked, but I wouldn't pretend it's something other than it is either...just to clarify do mean something more like this?:

Man: So where do you go to school?
Woman: UCLA (i.e. you don't need to name all the schools until asked)
Man: Oh, what do you study?
Woman: Theology (say subject matter only, don't need to mention PhD necessarily)
Man: Grad school? PhD?
Woman: Yes, new this year. (Ok, he asked)
Man: Nice, I have some friends in that program? Where did you do your undergrad?
Woman: Harvard. (again, he asked, so don't lie or avoid it at this point)
Man: Whoa, Harvard!
Woman: Yeah, I was kind of surprised to be accepted but it was a gift. What do you do or study? (answer that shows humility instead of ego)
Man: Oh, well, I work at a law firm, but you know it's not really... Wow, Harvard!
Woman: Yeah, I enjoyed it - but it has its downsides, like any school. The name is a nice calling card to have in your pocket but sometimes I wish I had gone to a more intimate liberal arts college. Did you like your program?

I think answers like that are truthful, don't diminish one's accomplishments, but don't throw them in anyone's face and keep returning the focus to the other person...

Seraphic said...

Yes, healthily sanguine, I want an AMEN-a from the congregation.


I say I want an AMEN-a from the congregation!


Amen, I say, amen!

(AMEN, Seraphic! AMEN!)

That's what I'm talking about, my little Singles!

Seraphic Spouse said...

Welcome, Madame Lefty!

That website looks like a rather rough-and-tumble place! Whew!

Madame Lefty said...

Thank you for the welcome!

The forums most definitely can be hostile. I avoid them for the most part. Though it's interesting at times to see what the opposite sex thinks about certain issues.

Seraphic said...

Madame L, it's shocking that forums on Catholic dating sites get nasty. I mean, Catholics are, uh, Christians!

Me, I can be outrageously flippant, and I know I sometimes annoy the Stronger Sex with with my shenanigans, but I draw the line at nasty, and I don't allow nasty comments--even from great friends.

From reading all the comments that attached themselves to my (now removed) posts, I got the impression of very lonely men, many of whom are quick to anger and depend a lot on CM for fellowship, no matter how fleeting, electronic and (ultimately) shallow.

There is something about the internet that encourages people to write without thinking, and write much worse things than they would ever dream of saying. The poor man in Tacoma (age 40) who encouraged my husband to run probably had no idea I would ever read his thought. (And I doubt he actually read "How To Seem...") But the really sad thing is, the women he is hoping to impress might also have seen that comment and formed an impression of him based on his comment.

Me, I found dating sites a waste of time, and giving up my subscriptions was part of my process of becoming a Seraphic Single. There is no substitute for living (and serving people) in the real world, even if emails and blogs are important auxiliaries to the real world!

berenike said...

The Frozen Gnome/Maris met her husband on a dating site. And a couple of people I studied with or who were in the circle of people in which many of my colleagues moved, run KathTreff, which has 74 "found a spouse through KathTreff" testimonies up. (I've not spoken to the people involved for yonks, so I don't know how many marriages they've had in total).

fwiw :)