There are two chapters on "Gender Rancour," and as I read them I could feel my own seratonin levels dropping. According to various scientific studies that you're gonna hate, men really do want to marry beatiful women an average 2.99 years younger than themselves, and women really do want to marry older "high status" men who make more money than they. Fortunately for my seratonin levels, I did not take too seriously the studies on what beauty is said to be (i.e. big eyes, small nose, baby face). Average and even ugly women get married all the time, their grooms too blinded by love or mysterious attractions to notice. (Bless their little hearts!)
Interestingly, whereas the male medical students in the book behave like dogs, the 20-something part-time models more-or-less abstain from sexual intercourse. They'll "snog" almost anybody, and get a lot of enjoyment from that, but they tend not to give it up. These are not particularly chaste or kindly women; they just want to get a lot of sexual enjoyment without the vulnerability of going all the way. They might not be virtuous, but they certainly are smart and confident.
Because it made me mad, here is a paragraph about a medical student who wanted to be a virgin until he was married, but was seduced by a nurse. She wants a commitment now, ah ha ha ha.
A student from a conservative background had associated sex with marriage but this changed after losing his virginity to a nurse. As their relationship progressed, differences in their backgrounds and annoyance at her feelings about a previous boyfriend made him doubt its worth. He still sleeps with her occasionally but feels sad because she pressures him to be engaged.
"I realize that I learnt a lot about life from this relationship, how to relate to a woman sexually, and I am a lot more comfortable now along those lines. Before, any girl I was going out with for a long period of time I was sizing up for marriage. Now I want to go out and have a great time and not think about a woman's marriage potential...."
Hey, thanks a lot, Nursie. Incidentally, a newly fledged medical doctor once sized up my marriage potential, and it was all very odd. He had bought a new house, and he had bought a ton of furniture, and it seemed as if he were now out to buy the future Mrs. Dr. Him. I think it pertinent to mention that I was 27, very athletic and only 115 lbs at the time. He was not very good-looking, but I humoured him a bit until he sneered at the dogma of Christ's Resurrection, and then I stopped talking to him. Plonker.
Anyway, the studies show that women still want a man who is older, has higher professional status and earns more than they do, even when women themselves are older, high status and earning quite a lot. There is no logical reason for this, suggests Oliver James. Much head-scratching. Psychologists think that perhaps because women have traditional ideas about men and their money banged into their heads in childhood, they cling to these ideas, no matter what. And this is too bad because men (it is said) don't care how much status or money women have. Your 35 year old bachelor surgeon is not looking for a fellow 35 year old surgeon but for the prettiest-to-him girl he can find. That could be the 35 year old colleague, sure, but it could also be the 20 year old nursing student down the hall.
All this means is that there are fewer cute young nursing students available, since the older surgeons have snapped them up, and fewer 35 year old male surgeons, since the 20 year old nursing students have snapped them up. This leaves 35 year old female surgeons looking balefully at cute 20 year old male orderlies, and the male orderlies flirting with the cute new cleaner in Ward B.
And this is simply stupid. I don't care if you went to Havard Law. If you are interested in nice Catholic men, it is bad mathematics to confine yourself to dating only Catholic men who are Harvard Law grads. If a woman makes a good salary, I cannot see why she needs a man who makes as much as she or more, unless she secretly hates working outside the home and wants to retire and be a full-time mum.
Meanwhile, a lot of educated women (including women in the USA, which blows my mind) habour a secret class hierarchy in their hearts, and are horrified at the idea of dating some supposedly low-caste man like a plumber, electrician or joiner. Yes, maybe 100 years ago, a middle-class woman would think twice about marrying a blue collar guy. But these are modern days and plumbers, electricians and joiners are very often savvy businessmen with, at best, employees of their own, and, at worst, great union wages. If you have not seen Moonstruck, go see it at once. Oh, better see Crossing Delaney, too.
If a man is attractive, has a good character and a steady job, who cares where he went to school? Who cares what firm he works for, or how he puts in the hours between 9 to 5 (or 8 to 4), as long as he at least moderately enjoys them? There are a lot of smart men, great conversationalists, culture vultures, with jobs less-paid and lower-status than yours. Why reject them for their jobs--or the fact that they went to State?