Darlingses, I think there may have been a wave of disapproval from a host of North American girlfriends last night because I was jostled awake at 5:00 A.M. British Summer Time, thinking, "I have to tell the Girlfriend Story."
Okay, so yesterday I indulged my usual snickers about boyfriend-girlfriend relationships which, I admit, are not entirely FAIR because, of course, most people these days have to go through a boyfriend-girlfriend stage before they get engaged. But you have to admit that most boyfriend-girlfriend relationships break up. They are transitory and ephemeral and painful and occasions for sin and...and... okay, sometimes they actually lead to the altar.
Now, it is true that B.A. asked me to marry him something like 10 days after we met in person, but I did not officially accept him right away. We agreed that that would be imprudent, so really I should go on to Germany to visit Volker, as I'd planned, and then go home to Canada and think about it.
Well, poor Volker. He had to listen to me go on about the fabulousness of B.A. and only put his foot down when I started discussing potential wedding dresses. He told me to call a girlfriend in Canada; he could not take such rampant feminine chatter anymore.
B.A. called me every night, of course, and as I giggled into the phone upstairs, Volker watched German television downstairs. Really, it is sad that the very best of my ex-boyfriends has had to put up with so much. Anyway, one evening B.A. told me that a woman he had met professionally some weeks before had texted him to ask what he was up to and to say that she had a "B.A.-shaped hole" in her life.
"What!" I shrieked, and possibly Volker turned up the sound on the TV. Poor Volker.
B.A. told the whole story again and I have to admit that I wasn't at all surprised that another women thought B.A. was the bees' knees.
B.A. wasn't sure what do to. Should he ignore the text? Should he reply to the text? And if he did, what would he say?
"Tell her you're busy planning your trip to Canada to see your girlfriend," I pronounced. "It serves as a friendly warning shot and has the advantage of being completely true."
I had decided, you see, that if there is a lag between "I want you to think about marrying me" and an almost certain "Yes", the people involved are boyfriend and girlfriend for the duration.
Anyway, B.A. dutifully texted his happy travel plans, and I believe that was that from his admirer. So what I would like to say today, which I did not say yesterday, is that sometimes "I have a girlfriend" is not only a true statement of fact, it is a gentle way of letting another girl down.