Wednesday 6 November 2013

"You Just Have to Get Them Away From Their Friends"

Warning to Sensitive: Link is to a very scary story.

I will have to write a dozen posts on how safe life really is and how nice most people are to make up for linking to this post. The one thing I can point out to Eavesdroppers is that this guy was targeting guys--Marines, even!

The lessons of the article are that (A) the effect of super-charismatic people on other people is really frightening, and (B) nobody, not even guys, should find themselves alone behind closed doors with a random stranger.


H/T Kathy Shaidle at 5FoF, and she is Canada's number one conservative shock-blogger, so don't link if you're sensitive. She is way blunt and seriously into shouting "Arabs!" in crowded theatres and a red-hot crusader for Canadian freedom of speech.

10 comments:

Heather in Toronto said...

Oh, my goodness, that was a terrifying story!

Urszula said...

I read that article last week, it seems to be making the rounds...

I know I've said it before, but, ladies, please, do yourself a favor and read "Gift of Fear". An excellent book and so helpful in daily life. I recently was on the bus where a stranger who sat down next to me commented on the final bus stop and while making small talk tried to get out of me where I lived. Thanks to this book I immediately identified the technique he used and felt confident deflecting the conversation completely. A very practical guide for women on surviving and going through life without living in fear.

lauren said...

I'm with Urszula, and in fact the first thing I thought about when I read this scary story was The Gift of Fear. It's an empowering book, and everybody should read it.

Anonymous said...

And _this_ is why we have liberty buddies in port and why everyone gets liberty-talks before long weekends and holidays! On a semi-related note, I really wish we had our bi-annual sexual assault prevention talks segregated by gender. I think that the guys would be a lot more willing to admit that their statistics were one in ten if they were left to their own devices and didn't have to seem macho in front of their female co-workers. Oh, and it's also uncomfortable for some of said female co-workers to talk rape-prevention strategies in front of the guys...
Screwed up world is screwed up.
(btw it's Bolyongok, not signed in to gmail right now!)

Leta said...

Reminds me of the "Dating Game" gameshow guy who got pcked for a date and the woman subsequently backed out because he freaked her out, even though he'd been reasonably charming onscreen. He was a yet un-caught serial killer.
Intuition is huge. It took me a long time to realize I wasn't being judgmental I was feeling legitimate fear of certain (only a few and far between) people. I took some flak for it but now I am so glad I believed my instinct.
Don't be accommodating! Be safe!

Seraphic said...

I really must read this "Gift of Fear" book!

Katie said...

I'd love to give one more recommendation for Gift of Fear! My teacher read us excerpts in high school and since then I've read it multiple times and I always close it feeling more empowered and wishing I could give it out to every woman.

I'm also currently undergoing training for my local rape crisis center so I can be a hospital advocate and/or on the crisis hotline. It's currently making me a little jumpy and suspicious of men who most likely have completely innocent intentions.

MichelleMarie said...

Yep, I'm going to chime in and say that "The Gift of Fear" is a very valuable, and interesting besides, read.

You know, I had kind of a strange thought when reading that article (maybe not strange but sort of unexpected): we can be so guarded in everyday life, in showing we value others, that they are attractive to us in some way (not necessarily even physically). So as a result, when someone gives us frank, open, honest admiration, we are completely disarmed by them and left helpless, like this young man was in the face of this serial killer's adoring gaze. Isn't it sad that this man only got this kind of affirmation from a predator?

I'm a naturally very guarded person, and will only openly admire someone if they're "proved" themselves worthy over a period of time. However, I'm going to try to change this by "flirting" with the people I encounter more if I indeed do think they're admirable - to make them feel good and valued. Not in a manipulative or sexual way - but just for the purpose of giving them affirmation so that they don't necessarily seek it from people with evil intentions (even though they may still, I have no control over that).

Anyway just thought I'd share, we'll see how it goes!

MichelleMarie said...

Yep, I'm going to chime in and say that "The Gift of Fear" is a very valuable, and interesting besides, read.

You know, I had kind of a strange thought when reading that article (maybe not strange but sort of unexpected): we can be so guarded in everyday life, in showing we value others, that they are attractive to us in some way (not necessarily even physically). So as a result, when someone gives us frank, open, honest admiration, we are completely disarmed by them and left helpless, like this young man was in the face of this serial killer's adoring gaze. Isn't it sad that this man only got this kind of affirmation from a predator?

I'm a naturally very guarded person, and will only openly admire someone if they're "proved" themselves worthy over a period of time. However, I'm going to try to change this by "flirting" with the people I encounter more if I indeed do think they're admirable - to make them feel good and valued. Not in a manipulative or sexual way - but just for the purpose of giving them affirmation so that they don't necessarily seek it from people with evil intentions (even though they may still, I have no control over that).

Anyway just thought I'd share, we'll see how it goes!

Leta said...

It's crazy to think what charisma can accomplish. And it seems like it takes tremendous willpower to remove oneself from some situations. The author felt BAD leaving!
Intense "kindness" and "admiration" plus expertly applied pressure is so confusing and hard to escape.
What MichelleMarie mentioned reminded me of how important it is be particularly careful and alert when one is lonely or depressed because manipulative attention is so much more powerful when it's all one has.