Thursday, 27 January 2011

Operation Valentinus 2011

It is that time of year again. The shops are full of white, red and pink, and you all know what that means. Yes, Valentine's Day looms.

Now, if you are Single, Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year. It doesn't help if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend either, because then you have EXPECTATIONS, expectations that are often dashed and trampled by fate. Long-term girlfriends silently expect engagement rings, and long-term boyfriends silently expect their girlfriends to be thrilled by the charm bracelets they bought them.

Really, the whole thing is ghastly if you're Single.

However, when you are a Single woman without a boyfriend, as I knew first-hand for years and years, Valentine's Day still dominates your consciousness, and you feel lousy at the end. You feel lousy in part because of the faint hope than an "Anonymous Admirer" might send you something. If you have an "Anonymous Admirer" surely Valentine's Day is the day he will declare himself, but--guess what? He so rarely does, and that sucks.

So I have come up with a campaign for Single women, and this is its second official year. I call it Operation Valentinus. It's simple:

1. Draw up a list of three-five Single boyfriendless women you care about.

2. Buy each a valentine and a box of chocolates. The chocolates are more important than the valentine, so don't stint on the chocolates. Sign your own name on the card, of course.

3. Post the valentines and the chocolates (preferably together) to your Single friends. Write "Do Not Open Until Valentine's Day" on the package.

4. Organize a Girls Night In for February 14th. (The "In" part is important so that you aren't hit on by predatory men looking for lonely women that night.) Figure out who's bringing the supper, the cake, the candy, the DVD, the champagne, you name it.

Now, I don't want to punish girls with boyfriends, here, so if you want to, you can put girls with boyfriends on your Single Woman Mailing List. And you can put Single brothers and uncles and whatever other men you could not unwittingly mislead on your list. Last year I sent chocolates to my Single brother.

Oh, this reminds me that I did a poll, and more Singles were enthusiastic about getting valentines and chocolates from their Single female friends then from their Married female friends. So if you are married and long to inject some chocolate cheer into Single friends' lives, consider your list carefully. In your case, relations and bestest friends only.

I do not at all recommend that Married men send valentines and chocolate to ANYONE but their wives. Leave care of Single women to your wives. Seriously.

Now I will put up a poll, so if you want to pledge that you will send valentines and chocolates to 3-5 Single friends, click on the button.

The beauty of this is that even if you get NOTHING, not a card, not a chocolate, not a candy, not a flower, YOU will have given a lift to 3-5 other Singles. And that thought should keep you smiling as you await your cozy Girls Night In.

10 comments:

Cordi said...

I love this idea!

Anonymous said...

Last year my best female friend sent me a beautiful moon chart - in fact the very same item she was giving to her boyfriend - in celebration of "Finnish Friendship Day" on the 14th. I think it maybe the best valentine I have ever recieved.

Good advice Seraphic.

MP

Louise said...

What a lovely idea - yes Valentines Day kinda sucks when you're single, there should be a "Singles Day" to compensate :o) I'll definitely think of something nice for single friends...

ceciliamschwartz said...

Auntie, I was just lamenting over the fact that I moved four states away from my grandpa, with whom I've spent the past several Valentine's Days. This year I actually have to face being single on Valentine's Day and I have been dreading it.

Enter Auntie Seraphic and her insightful advice! Sigh... Thanks for helping me see beyond myself. I am going to make up my list right now!

some guy on the street said...

At my best count, I have no more strictly-single female relations.

I suppose there's Grandma... but she doesn't much go in for sweets, these days. Well, I'll think of something.

Nzie (theRosyGardener) said...

my first thought was that I'm waaaay too far from home to do this... but I've been thinking- I could certainly send ecards to some friends back home, and I could give sweets to a couple friends here, so I guess I can do it. I'm lucky, I guess, that Valentines Day doesn't really bother me as a single - I think my associations with it are still strongly in the primary school valentines realm to dwell on it for long. :)

Kate P said...

Wait, is #4 a new requirement? Some of us don't have any single friends/relatives left in our immediate vicinity. (I'm sure you didn't mean to open that wound.)

Aside from that, I'm all in.

Seraphic said...

A Girls' Night In can become a Girl's Night In, if necessary! The idea is to give yourself something to look forward to.

I am concerned, though, that you don't have any other Single friends near you. That doesn't sound very comfortable.

When I was in the USA, almost off my head with loneliness, I invited school colleagues to my "Anti-Valentine's Day". I sent a general email to the department. I was warned, given the nature of the department, that there was a strong chance no-one would show up. But 3 or 4 (included a guy) did, and we chatted, complained and munched.

It was definitely not the same as hanging with my girlfriends back home (where I belonged), but it was something.

Elizabeth said...

I'm with Kate P.- I have no singles closer then 2 hours- so I'll just have to do the other part. :-)

Christine said...

For once, I am happy I work a Monday evening shift (5pm-9pm) at my job, which will keep me pretty distracted on Valentines' Day.

For the men who read this blog, at least in my family, my uncles all give chocolates/cards to my grandma. I don't know if that's universal.