Friday 17 May 2013

Kryptonite

Long-term readers know that I am scared of British doctors. However, I made myself speak to one two weeks ago. She understood right away when I said that IVF was out of the question, so I tried not to mind that she consistently used the word "fetus" instead of "baby" and mentioned "termination" twice.  There is a measles epidemic in Wales, the effects of which could be catastrophic to a "fetus" and she supposed I would consider a "termination" out of the question. Yes, I said. I would consider it out of the question.  So this means being checked for immunity to measles on top of everything else.

Anyway, since I have been declared clear of the yucky diseases all wannabe mums get tested for, the next step is blood tests. And this may sound very silly and wimpy, but I hate blood tests more than anything, even dental surgery. I am more frightened of being tied off like a junkie than I am of speaking in public, speaking in public in Polish, and sleeping overnight by myself on the floor of Stansted airport the night before speaking in public in Polish.   

I usually weep, which is not very nice for whoever has to do the job, and I am afraid that if I get hysterical, they won't do the blood test at all. And poor B.A. is in charge at work tomorrow afternoon, and his mother is in Dundee, and I don't want to fall apart in front of a friend or make a friend come all the way from central Edinburgh just to watch me freak out for ten minutes. Thus, I am going in alone.

I know. It's a First World problem. And maybe if I had concentrated less on my "career" and more on getting married and having kids, blah blah blah blah blah. But, actually, the older I get, the more likely it is I will have to give blood anyway. The sooner I get over this irrational phobia, the better. 

At this point, I think I need supernatural aid. Would readers remember to pray for me tomorrow at 2:20 PM (14:20) British Summer Time? This is 8:20 AM in Chicago and 9:20 AM in Boston and Toronto and 15:20 in Poland and Germany. That way when I am waiting in the hallway---and it is a nice hallway, really, newly painted white, with lots of natural light and fresh pinewood fittings--I can think of you who are already awake praying, and I will feel a lot better. I don't care if it hurts. (It will. My veins are small, and in the past they have always poked around trying to find a good one.) I just don't want to panic or cry. 

I am sure it would be helpful. Thank you in advance.

25 comments:

lauren said...

Dear Auntie, I am praying for you tonight, that you sleep without anxiety, and I will pray tomorrow as well. I have always, always had a hard time with needles and having blood drawn. I have found that really concentrating on my breathing helps: breathing in to the count of three, breathing out to three, pausing, breathing in to three, etc. Cassian talks in the Conferences about praying "O God, make speed to save us; O Lord, make haste to help us" like breathing, and that works too, if you get tired of counting to three. :)

Beth said...

I will send positive thoughts and prayers your way!

Rosalind said...

You have my prayers and sympathy! Just tell the nurses beforehand that you're not good with blood tests and they might let you lie down and/or use a smaller needle. It's okay to not be okay with people extracting blood from you!

Anonymous said...

I will.

Domestic Diva said...

Absolutely, I will pray, Seraphic!

sciencegirl said...

I will pray for you!

Whenever I get uncomfortable medical procedures, I say Hail Mary's in my head to try to stay calm.

Anne said...

I'm an hour from Philadelphia. I'll cover Boston time.....

Claire said...

I will be praying at 9:20 am EST! Unpleasant things like blood tests are certainly helped by knowing others are rooting you on.

Jessica said...

Absolutely! :)

n.panchancha said...

alarm set for prayers! God bless, and hang tough. :)

Mustard Seed said...

Seraphic, prayers will go out from the east coast for you at 9:20AM tomorrow. I don't like having blood drawn either. I find it most helpful to remind myself to breathe, look away, and replay an old favorite movie in my head. However, those are just my strategies, and I trust that my prayers will be answered regardless. Sending you blessings and hugs xo

Anonymous said...

Definitely will be praying!

Emma

Katie said...

I'll be praying for you Seraphic! Take heart and bring a stress ball for your free hand!

Cordi said...

Seraphic, I was terrified of having blood drawn, too, so I understand, and will pray for you! This sounds cheesy, but I found it helps to offer it up for something really important. Good luck!

Katerina said...

I'll be praying for you!

Anonymous said...

Will do - I hate blood tests too and regularly make a fool of myself when getting them.
Aussie girl in NZ

Jam said...

Will do! I hate blood draws too. The last time I had to do one the nurse kept making comments about the joke on my t-shirt, which I suppose she thought was helping; but really I was barely keeping it together and it felt a little like being made fun of, at the time. I hope your procedure goes as well as possible, and I will put an alert on my phone for the Crucial Moment!!

MaryJane said...

I'll be at mass praying!

Seraphic said...

Thank you, everybody! The actual appointment is 14:25, but if I know at 14:20 that people have started praying, I know I will feel better.

Anonymous said...

praying now ahead of my own Dr. Appt in the northeast US. I. am like you, but with the dentist.

Sheila said...

I saw this just in time! I will definitely be praying. I'm a needle-hater too. In college I had the bright idea of forcing myself to get over my fear by volunteering to give blood to the Red Cross.

It didn't work. I'm still pretty scared and I gave up on giving blood. But it is nice to know that I "gave life" a couple of times despite how afraid I was. And isn't that the same sort of thing you are doing -- going through something frightening and painful to give life to someone else?

Oddly I think the number one thing that helps me not panic is to say, "It's okay if I panic. I can totally panic and go into hysterics, the nurses will just have to deal with it. It doesn't matter. One way or another, I am walking out of here with this done."

And that at least removes the panicking-that-you're-going-to-panic part of your fear.

When this is over, even if you DO panic, you can still be proud of yourself because you didn't let fear stop you.

Christine Rebecca said...

Praying :)

I understand somewhat what you're going through -- my husband and I are in the midst of our own testing, for chronic miscarriage. I had the first round of blood work yesterday (only four more to go, sigh).

The tests are irritating and awkward and painful and all those things -- but we have great hope that we will get some answers at the end. I pray that you also will get answers and that they will be the type that make us say Yes! and Amen!

Jules said...

Of course! I am afraid that I am a bit late, but luckily prayer falls outside the confines of space and time!

Seraphic said...

I think every prayer helped, for I made myself walk to the medical center and sit down and calmly explain the problem to the nurse and stretch my arms out. Eeek! Eeek!

At any rate, I succeeded, so I am a bit proud of myself but mostly grateful to the Grace of God which got me there.

Jackie said...

YAY SERAPHIC! Congratulations and I will say a prayer of gratefulness that you made it through okay. :-)