A generation that grows up with divorce widespread amongst their parents is doubtlessly cynical about marriage. Many hope for the perfect marriage, but set the marriages of their neighbours at naught. If a handsome married man is unhappy, or just looks unhappy, some women--young women--think that he is fair game.
I stress young women because when I was young I laboured under the misapprehension that somehow my generation was more moral and less hypocritical than my mother's Baby Boom generation. Since then, however, I have realized that this is just something that young people like to believe of themselves. The generations that have followed the Baby Boom are, perhaps, less self-centred, but they are also less confident in everything, including the institution of marriage. Sexy romance is what its all about, and when sexy romance goes, the man goes.
But sexy romance goes and comes back, incidentally, as all married women know. One moment we are head over heels with our clever, handsome husbands, but the next we long to flush their heads down our toilets while shrieking like banshees. ("Or is that just me?" B.A. told me to say.) Frankly, I would be frantic with rage if some beautiful young thing made eyes at B.A. right after a head-flushing incident.
I have more stern thoughts on this topic, but first I have to go to Mass where I will be confirmed in my sternness. BRB.
12 comments:
This is your message to single young women? Stay away from our husbands?
Well my message for wives is that I'm not interested in your husbands! Just because I am young, single and friendly does NOT mean I am want to get involved with a married man. In fact I may well be creeped out at your husbands attentions - just saying.
Honestly, Seraphic I'm very disappointed in this post. I doubt you would have been too happy with it either when you were single. I'm actually quite offended. I thought this blog was about solidarity and support for singles.
A. The post isn't finished yet.
B. I don't see the words "Stay away from our husbands" anywhere in my post.
C. I am addressing an actual problem in society. There are young Single women who are messing around with/pursuing young married men. Not all of them, obviously. Probably not even many. But some, surprising as that might seem. And they really ought not to do it.
D. In three years of blogging about the Single life, this is the first time I have blogged about Single women pursuing married men.
Incidentally, this has nothing to do with MY husband, who hasn't been getting any attention from young Single women, especially the ones who work for him, ha ha.
To be just a tad more precise, at any given time, there is At-Most-One Married Man a woman may properly "carry-on with," as they say --- that man being her living husband, of course, if any such man should be.
If I may interject, this advice isn't *too much* different from your earlier advice that young women not "mess with" seminarians or priests; and to be clear the same advice is at least as incumbent on unhappy married women, on men who apprehend unhappy married women whether themselves single or married, old or young, on benedictine monks in hospital and the nurses who tend to them,... etc.
Briefly, don't try to break your neighbor's vocation! And don't think you know better than God!
Just in case, that is, any of these were a temptation to anyone reading this...
Actually, I do think this is a relevant topic for a post (finished or unfinished), at least for those of us in the Americas. In the last year, there have been some high profile adultery cases on this side of the pond, not just Tiger Woods.
Both the Gov. of North Carolina, Mark Sanford, and a senator and former Presidential candidate, John Edwards, have both been exposed for adultery with audacious single women. Edwards even fathered a child with his mistress, who then had the nerve to go on national television and deny responsibility for her role in breaking up his marriage.
While a large number of us responded with a resounding "WHAT?!" to this Cleopatra, Queen of Denial, I do get the sense that there are women out there who identify with her: single, older, successful, lonely, attracted to an "off-limits", authority-figure man for whatever dysfunctional reasons. If their friends, mothers, sisters, confidantes, and favorite blog authors don't react with horror to the very idea, and give them a cold dose of reality to bring them back to their senses, they will either become singed, broken moths, or very selfish, deluded flames.
I would be delighted to hear that such things never happen in Australia. If so, I will move there at once...
A - The post is posted and therefore will be read and commented on. If you did not want this you should wait till it is finished to post it.
B - "Don't Mess with Married Men" sounds a lot like "stay away from our husbands" to me.
C - Of the many surveys you have done of your readers, I was under the impression that we were a mostly religious and otherwise well behaved single bunch. Advice like "don't mess with married men" is much like "don't have one night stands" - kind of obvious! It is hard enough being a single woman in this world - and by single I mean not married and not sleeping with anyone - without these kinds of "advice".
D - in three years of blogging about the single life, you were single for most of it. And I don't think you would have written this post, in this tone, while single. There are plenty of blogs, web-sites, books etc that give this kind of advice. Something I liked about this blog was the sensitivity shown to single people that is rare to find elsewhere. I was really taken back by this post.
Seraphic: I doubt that your readers are really the types to need reminding to not mess with other women's husbands.
Now, you are a Married woman, so you can answer this, Seraphic: if your husband were making eyes at sweet young things, would you want the sweet young things to say something to you about it? (Obviously, this is a hypothetical!)
Seraphic: I think you are getting push-back in this area because, as Aussie Girl said, it sounds a bit like it's coming from a place of insecurity, not the usual love and desire for our well-being that we've gotten used to and spoiled with. (Alternatively, it could have the ring of "Aren't you all just desperate little things?")
Of course, that's not who you are as a person, but it is how your words could be interpreted (if that makes any sense).
If you feel up to continuing to tackle this subject after this mess, would you consider having BA guest-post? (I know that this is a Women's Blog, but this is one situation in which the male perspective is very objective and very helpful - especially in terms of what men are thinking when married.)
I'm really not understanding the push back so much. But then I did not assume 'don't mess with married men' meant 'stay away from our husbands'. I assumed it was a bigger exhortation than simply 'get way from ma man, homegirl'. As in don't flirt with the idea of it, don't day dream about them, don't get caught up in a crush with someone who is so completely unavailable. Which, to me, just sounds like 'avoid the near occasions of sin'. And since when is that not sound Catholic advice. Y'know? ;)
Okay, here's another reader who did NOT misinterpret "Don't Mess With Married Men." It's just good advice.
I also don't understand the pushback...Seraphic is just pointing out some facts about our generation - we are, in general, less confident about marriage as an institution...because how we view it is fractured, our ability to view it as sacred is not supported by what surrounds us...it is far too easy to fall into complicated situations nowadays and so the exhortation is a welcome one...if you feel it doesn't apply to you, then don't worry about it.
Over two years later, it is amusing to note that Aussie Girl in Australia is now married and living in New Zealand.
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