Monday, 10 June 2013

Carrying On

B.A. says to keep the blog public.

But that's not why I'm keeping the blog public.

I'm keeping the blog public because at 16:57:42 BST today, someone in California typed "catholic dating never had a boyfriend" into Bing and landed here.

But I've rewritten this post four five times for fear of the eavesdroppers reading my blog as though it were my diary.


c'est la vie said...

Three cheers!!!

Thank you for what you are doing.

Rose said...

Thank you! I didn't get a chance to chime in before you made your decision, but I also found you through one of those late night "Catholic and single" searches, and I would hate for someone else not to have that chance. You are providing a valuable service, and you are one of the few people out there reaching out to this particular audience. I have to say that I like the idea of having a closed forum though (in addition to the blog), so that some discussions could take place in a more private setting.

Antigone in NYC said...

Very happy to hear this. Thank you.

~ Antigone

Grad in a big city said...

Thank you! It took me until now to figure out how to say what I wanted: I found your blog through another website, but as an "Other Single of Goodwill" rather than a Catholic, I never would have stayed to read anything if I had encountered any sort of registration block. It was only in reading the archives and the posts day after day that made me less hesitant to read, comment, and even share your blog.

So I hope that this decision will allow others like me to find you and decide to stick around.

Rosas said...

Thank you, Auntie S, for all that you do. Many times have I used your wisdom in my life, and I look forward to each post that you write.

I know that friends of mine (whom I have referred to this blog) have likewise benefitted from your advice!

american (not) in deutschland said...

Count me as one of the random readers who stumbled on your blog somehow (I can't remember now) and read it all the way through in two days... you've definitely helped me and brought some healthy perspective and encouragement.

I wouldn't worry TOO much about us -- those of us who prefer to reveal private things know how to stay anonymous, and those of us who are comfortable using a public voice can handle that, too.

I think the real burden falls on you -- you are the real life person associated with the blog, and you really take the brunt of inappropriate male aggression in comments or worse.

And you know, the very fact that men find it worth their while to leave abusive comments shows that what you are doing is valuable enough to us readers for it to bother their little misogynist and/or Catholic-hating radar, whichever it may be. You keep a better handle on things than most other blogs I've ever visited, and that makes it feel like a very safe space for us.

On my part, I don't care too much about what anonymous men in the ether think about my anonymous pseudonym in the ether -- I suppose what some men read hear might give them ammunition of sorts to use against women in their own lives, or against women in their heads, but it's more important for me to feel like I have a place where women can freely share in public in relative safety.

I imagine there are some decent men, too, who actually benefit from hearing what we have to say, not just getting riled up and vicious about it.

Clara said...

Hurrah! :D

Jackie said...

Three cheers for Seraphic! Hip, hip, hurrah!

I was thinking about this blog today.

Maybe we could have an online rosary or some other "virtual prayer" where you could post the time and we could all pray together for the health of you and your blogging? Just a thought, since it has been an amazingly powerful experience for me when I have participated in something similar before.

Coraggio, dear Seraphic! You're aces!

Theresa said...

Hooray!! Keeping going strong, Seraphic!!

truthfinder said...

Yeah - I was having a slight panic if it wasn't public - I'm not the keenest for logging on. You're usually the first thing I read in the morning - thank you for helping me keep my sanity.

Elizabeth said...

Thank you Auntie for your blog from another 'late night and single' searcher in Australia who really needed to hear that everything is ok.
You've really helped me to not worry, and now I'm maybe enjoying my single life a little too much! I will pray that your work here will stop affecting your 'real life' as much as it seems to be.
On another note, can you give (or have you previously given) advice about those NCBs who are great friends and nice to be around but who you just know you could/would never marry (personality-wise as well as, shall we say, you're simply not attracted in that way) and they are paying pointed attention, having never actually said anything other than "shall we go for lunch?" "What are you doing after this." And the repeated 'no thank you' doesn't put them off?
How does one not ignore them completely yet not encourage them? Apologies for the the rabbit hole, Elizabeth.

Seraphic said...

I shall have to ponder this. But really, all you are responsible for is your "No thank you" and general refusal to flirt. Never flirt with a man you're not interested in once you have ascertained that he is interested in you. But if he chooses to pester you with his attentions anyway, that's his fault, not yours. All you really can do is say "No, thank you" while continuing to be pleasant to him.

Meanwhile, I don't know how you can know if you could marry a man or not until you have at least had a coffee with him. Unless a man has a terrible reputation, you might as well have a coffee with him. It's just a coffee.

The thing is, none of us think we could marry most of the men we haven't even had a coffee with. That's because we don't know them well enough to know if they might be marriageable. You can't really tell by looking. I never thought I could marry a man with a beard. Bizarrely, I have married a man with a beard.

Bernadette said...

I also want to say that I am very glad you are continuing on. I don't know of anyone on the internet today who's saying the things you are - that it's ok to be happy as a single person. I know you've contributed a lot to my ability to enjoy my life!

I also know that blogging can make you feel very exposed. I have a very small blog, with readers whom I mostly know, and even then sometimes it takes me very off guard when someone I only know slightly somehow seems to know all about some part of my life, or seems to feel much closer to me than I feel to him or her. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that I'd love to blog about a particular thing, but do I really want X, my mother's old parish friend who found my blog through facebook, reading all about it? Or Aunt Y? Or my brother's ex-girlfriend? Or the acquaintances in my social circle who are sure they already know all my news because they read it on my blog? It takes courage, I think, to be willing to share yourself. So thank you for having the courage to continue to share yourself with us.

Elizabeth said...

Thanks for the lovely words of advice, which I will certainly use! It has been hard to figure out this one, as he is a good friend not merely an acquaintance and part of my rather small 'trad friend' group. Coffee it is then, should he ask.

God Bless your work helping all of us poor girls!

Rebekah said...

Dear Seraphic,
I'm glad your blog will remain public, though would it would have been very understandable had you decided go private.
Have just purchased a copy of your book, by the way.
May the Lord bless you and keep you.

MaryJane said...

I'm really glad this was your decision: it takes an awful lot of guts, though, to be "out there" on the internet. Kudos to you for sticking it out!

(Incidentally, I'm baffled by the complete lack of social awareness on the part of evesdroppers. It's rude for men to listen in on women's only conversations, but if you're going to insist upon doing so, wouldn't you have the good sense enough to pretend as though you hadn't heard anything?! It's a shame that you, Seraphic, should have to bear the brunt of other people's bad manners.)

Valencia said...

This is cool!