Valentine's Day is not Failure Day

A pal of mine called Valentine's Day "Failure Day", and I was shocked. I've been so consciously peppy about the Single Life for so long, I've forgotten that other women are perfectly comfortable complaining about Valentine's Day and equating not getting anything on that day to a personal failure of Titantic proportions.

Once again, I encourage all women out there to make or buy Valentines for such Single female friends and relations who will not blow up like TNT in response to your kindness. Single men can fight off their V-Day loneliness by also doing a similar good deed, only in their case I recommend sending these valentines to Mom or Mum, Auntie and Sis, who cannot possibly read anything scary into them.

My five-year-old nephew Pirate, soon to become as famous as Christopher Robin (I hope), once electrified a room of his female relations by suddenly saying to his mother, "Mommy, you're my little sweetheart."

All his female relations cried "Awwww!" in one voice and looked all tender and misty and in danger of melting like butter in a puddle on the rug.

So I think that only good can come of brothers and sons and nephews firing off or bringing valentines and chockies such kinswomen as they are strictly forbidden by God and man to marry.

If you do something nice for someone on Valentine's Day, that day cannot possibly be a failure. Meanwhile, the day is a fantastic excuse for Single Women to have a party and tell (risque) jokes and watch Orlando Bloom in Pirates of the Caribbean or Colin Firth's wet shirt in Pride and Prejudice.* It is an opportunity to dress as Marilyn Monroe or Jane Russell and sing a chorus of "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend." It is a Women's Solidary Day of epic proportions, which is no doubt why the [Woman's Private Part] Monologues are staged that day on Roman Catholic college campuses across the USA and at secular colleges elsewhere.

Personally, I always had better things to do on February 14 than listen to horrible stories about rape by soldiers and 'empowering' stories about statuatory rape by seductive lesbians, all in the company of the kind of man who can be talked into going to such a show. Apparently the audience participates by chanting an Anglo-Saxon word no lady or gentleman ever utters, no matter how stressed out she or he is. If the F-word is merely a bomb, this word is a weapon of mass destruction plus cancer thrown in.

No, there are better things that Single people can do for fun on Valentine's Day. They just need a little ingenuity and planning. So please, dear Single readers, my angels, reveal in the comm box what you're going to do on Sunday. By so doing you may give helpful ideas to your fellow Singles. I am going to an afternoon cocktail party being hosted by a clever, romance-less Single man. No doubt he will be rolling in chocolates by supper.

*Update: Fraternal correction by Berenike leads me to note that if for you sharing risque jokes and admiring matinee idols, even in all-female company, are occasions for sin, and not the female bonding devices they are for me, then obviously you shouldn't do those things. Frankly, I think reading romance novels with erotic scenes--a very common (and solitary) female habit--much, much worse. But, anyway, gnothe seauton.