Dear Auntie Seraphic,
Can you give me some tips on appearing more approachable to men?
Today I did not have to work so I went to lunch by myself at our local Catholic cafe. The young man behind the counter was new, and I got the sense that he thought I was cute as we chatted briefly and he took my order.
The cafe was fairly empty, but over the next half hour he walked past my table multiple times. He even left the counter to bring my food to my table, which was sweet and is not usually how they do it there. I may be reading way too much in to things, but I am wondering if there is anything I could have done to have made it easier for him to talk to me (if he even really wanted to).
I was pretty self-conscious the whole time because he is a nice-looking fellow, so I chose a table facing away from where he was standing and kept my nose buried in my book. I think The Rules say that a woman shouldn't even initiate eye contact with an interesting man (though I may be remembering incorrectly). I might be too shy to do so anyway.
I'm great at striking up new friendships with girls, but I just get nervous around boys. I probably appear to them to be stuck-up, but really I would love to talk to them if they would just go first. Any ideas for me?
Shy in Cafe
Dear Shy in Cafe,
Well, you know, it's not all up to us. Men have to do something, and if they don't, do we really want to get to know them anyway? (Well, I suppose we do, but that's a bit silly.)
I am not sure I agree with The Rules on that one. If a man might be TRYING to catch your eye, you should certainly look up and SMILE. Then put down your book. Books say, like nothing else, "Leave me alone, all men." This is very useful, but not when you actually WANT a man to approach.
The next time you go to this cafe, or feel a sense of connection with another nice young man working in a cafe, don't open your book at once. Take out a notebook and write or doodle instead. Look around the cafe and describe it or draw it. And don't turn your back on the nice man at the counter.
Looking alert, not hiding behind a book, smiling, and facing the company (not turning your back on it) should all convey a positive message. Obviously you should not do all this in a dodgy place, but really, the Catholic cafe is NOT a place where you should be reading books but MEETING people!
I hope this is helpful.
Grace and peace,