Tuesday, 8 January 2013


I have a new Theory of Young Men. It is a bit depressing if you are a young woman, but bear with me.

My theory is that just as adolescent male brains are not completely wired up yet, what young men think is not necessarily the same as what they say or what they do.

Notice I said "necessarily." I am sure there must be blessedly simple young men who think something, say it, and act according to it. But I know there are annoyingly complicated young men whose thought-word-deed relationship is all over the place. There could be, for example, the young man who thinks that Julia Roberts (as she appeared in Pretty Woman) is the ideal woman, says that he prefers girls who "look natural and don't wear make-up" and falls for a bottle-redhead covered in slap (make-up).

There are also the guys who SAY that they want to go out with So-and-So and then never actually ASK her out.

But then there are also guys who SAY the most frightful things and then DO the most kindly things.

It can be exhausting dealing with complicated young men whose thoughts don't seem to match their words and whose words most definitely do not match their deeds. The solution, I think, is to keep in mind their words, but have a good solid look at their actions. Take your estimation of reality from the latter.

In some cases, you will get a nasty shock. It is always awful to discover that one particular man who says he completely believes the Church's teachings about sexuality will try to get away with as much as he possibly can. And it is gravely annoying to set up a male pal with your female friend whom he says he wants to date, only to discover he never calls her.

But in other cases, you may be pleasantly surprised. The young man who complains day and night against Title IX (an American legislation about equal funding for women's athletics in high school and university) might turn out to be a deeply-committed volunteer girls' soccer coach. The young man who argues that men are smarter than women may call you up to ask how you divide a cake among nine people.

And they say women are irrational! Tchah!

1 comment:

Sunnysaffer said...

Yes, of course we should take our estimation of reality from men's actions and not their words, but I find it so difficult to actually apply this knowledge. I have found myself dating men who say they want to be married and are looking to settle down etc., etc. but who are not actually taking on any sort of responsibility in their lives as singles, or taking any steps towards being in a position to support a family. I think this was partly because I wanted to focus on a man's potential to be a good spouse and not expect him to be the finished article (as I myself am clearly far from it). Nevertheless there really has to be some signs of motivation and willingness to be depended on in some sphere of life at least. I am determined not to fall into this trap again so thanks for the reminder!