Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.
I have just begun reading Andrew Cohen's mainstream column calling down blessings upon the woman he loved on her wedding day. It is EXCRUCIATING, so I don't think I'll finish it, and I won't link to it here. Instead, here's a link to a woman explaining to men why they shouldn't do things like that.
Your ex-girlfriend's or ex-boyfriend's wedding day is NEVER about you. The best way to handle it is to keep your mouth shut and your typing fingers otherwise occupied. One of my ex-boyfriends--bless him--went on holiday and came down with food poisoning so bad he forgot it was my wedding day. I'm sorry he got food poisoning, but I'm glad he did not write a weepy column on how fabulous I was and am.
The most embarrassing wedding I ever went to featured not just the photos of the bride and groom on the bulletin board outside the ballroom, but photos of the bride with her bestest friend, who was a man. The bestest friend was the M.C., and he talked more than anyone. He told us all about his relationship with the bride, and how her mother was like his second mother, and how he and the bride went to the prom together. The air crackled with tension coming out the ears of the groom's relations.
I was dating the groom's cousin, so I just sat back and experienced the excruciating embarrassment of it all with something akin to awe. Somewhat psychic about these things, I could feel the people in the room wondering A) if the M.C. had slept with the bride and B) if he would actually tell us straight out.
The groom smiled placidly. I didn't know how he could stand it. The M.C. went on and on. His obvious obsession with the bride was not lost on the D.J. who, no doubt paid in advance, observed aloud during the "Garter Toss," "The bachelors are lining up for the garter. They're pushing. They're shoving. The M.C's hurtin' for it!"
I will never forget until my dying day (or until dementia sets in) what an absolute ass the M.C. made of himself, and how bad it all looked on the bride and groom. Hmm... I wonder if he had known that in advance?