Single By Choice

When I write something about loving the Single Life, I usually try to cast my memory back to before I met B.A. and determine if I would have said it when I was Single. Married people seem to forget what being Single was like: we forget the bad stuff and we are nostalgic for the good stuff. Very often we don't want to hear the bad stuff, for Singles' bad stuff triggers memories of things we don't want to remember. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

But I think I would have said, even when I was Single, and therefore I probably did, that most Single women are Single by choice because (wait for it) if you were willing to throw all your standards to the winds, you would get a guy, no problem.

If you had no standards at all, you could do the following horrible things:

1. go down to the local pub/bar at closing time and start hitting on men,

2. put an ad for a husband in any African or other Third World newspaper,

3. start writing love letters to a convict in prison,

4. go to a holiday resort in Greece, Egypt, the Dominican Republic, and start throwing your money around on a local.

My guess is that we'd all be amazed at how many women do those things. I was going to say sometimes I just don't understand my own sex, but I realized that is not true. Some women will do abso-freaking-lutely anything to get a man, even for a few hours, even just by mail, because they honestly think they are nothing without one. There are women who work three jobs, have three children, do all the housework, and have a boyfriend who does nothing, nothing at all, for them, and they are frightened rigid that he might leave.

This is why my blogging for Singles has always concentrated on being Single, not on how-to-find-a-husband. I know very well that most young Single women long to find a husband, and I am happy to share my reflections on how to do that, although they're mostly about how to stop chasing men who don't give a damn and how to encourage men who actually might. But for me the heart of the thing has always to find the dignity and the freedom inherent in being Single. And every time you refuse to compromise your standards (which I hope and pray are high), you are honouring that.

Someone wrote to me about traditional, God-centered, Christian men being rare jewels. I told her that she was a rare jewel. It is in the Bible: a good woman is worth more than rubies. I assume that all my readers are precious jewels, worth more than rubies. And a ruby looks absolutely beautiful and precious on its own. Nothing more is needed.

Keep your standards high. Nobody puts a ruby in a plastic ring. Meanwhile, find work you enjoy and that earns your keep. Keep your living space beautiful. Take care of your body, your skin and your hair. Meet often with friends and family who love you. Read good things that interest you. Get enough exercise. See beauty as often as you can: visit the art gallery or walk by the sea. Find something simple and undemanding to love, something that will always reward love with love: a puppy, a kitten, a bird, a garden. Pray, especially for others. Breathe.