Friday, 30 July 2010

Swan Single

On my way to coffee with Cath, I found this tale of Single woe in the free newspaper on the bus.

"Swan Accused of Killing First Wife, Driving Away Two More" really sums it up. What I find greatly amusing is that visitors to the pond get very upset at the sight of Swanny Boy swimming all by his lonesome. It's a SWAN! Who cares?!

Still, I think there's a novel in this. There's even a tripartite structure:

The First Mrs. Swan: murdered.

The Second Mrs. Swan: flees with, er, cygnets.

The Third Mrs. Swan: flees to nearby pond, dies of acute depression.

Frankly, I think all the other lady swans have been taking notes and are too smart to get involved with Swan Single here. This makes them way smarter than a lot of human females, who under similar circumstances, would flock to him. ;-)


sciencegirl said...

Nothing about this story surprises me because 1) swans are incredibly mean and nasty birds and 2) people, who freak out over adorable, helpful things like fuzzy spiders, get all teary-eyed and sentimental over vicious, disease-ridden animals like giant birds.

One of my favorite stories is by Bailey White and describes how some baby swans are hatched set free in a Florida pond/swamp. The ones that survive get so big and mean that not even alligators will try and eat them.

In the ballet, the transformed swan lovers should have pecked and beaten their enemies to death.

Seraphic Spouse said...


Tricia said...

If anyone wants to stage that ballet at Majlis Arts, I am wide open.

theobromophile said...

‘The public do get upset when they see the swan by himself bec­ause the general impression tends to be of swans being part of a loyal couple, devoted to one another,’ said Philip White, chief executive of the gardens.

But Seraphic, Single Swans do not have that social pressure! They do not care that humans mistakenly think that Mr. Hottie Swan would be a great match for them and then doubt their instincts; they just run off.

If you've ever had to defend yourself for leaving a real SOB, you'll understand why lady swans have it better. (Not to discount that there are a few real crazy women out there, but most sane women are made to feel not sane when they listen to their very good instincts about men.)

Seraphic said...

I agree that we are under more pressure than lady swans to ignore our instincts.

When a man gets into an elevator with me, and my discomfort buzzer goes off, I get out. I don't care if he's of a race different than me and he or somebody else might think I'm next door to Eva Braun; I'm getting off the freaking elevator. Similarly, I don't let just any man into my house, and I don't talk to just any man, either.

The other day a crazy-looking man, dressed for some reason in a yellow saftey bib, rushed up to me on a rainy and secluded street waving an unlit cigarette. I instinctively held my umbrella between us while looking wildly about for someone to come to my aid, if need be. Well, the poor chap, who spoke no English, it seemed, was just desperate for a light, so I told him I didn't have one and directed him to the shop across the way. (He rejected this advice and rushed off to find someone else.) In that short interaction, all my defenses were up. If he had lunged, I would have walloped him while screaming--I would not have cared how foreign, ill and oppressed he might have been. "Woman" trumps every male group save "boy child under 12" on the vulnerability scale.

Bitches probably live longer.

sciencegirl said...

My life is worth more than someone else's feelings. I would rather hurt every person on earth's feelings by trying to be safe than get murdered once.