Friday, 27 December 2013

super kontrovershal chapter

hello it is me the inner child with my super kontrovershal chapter at last. nobody giv me a hard tym it is called the bodis-riper you kno. my outer adult says i hav to tell the sensitiv not to reed it so DOANT REED IT SENSITIV PEEPLE!if yuo throo up waching danjerus liaysons yuo cant reed this it will upset yuo for shur. howevr it was tym to show how wikked sir nik is becos yuo were liking him too much just lyk peeple with lovelace in clarissa.

ok here it is


bodis-riper!
part three
chpater 4


sir nikkolas cameron did not usuallie mayk calls on horsbak. altho not wat you wud call a tulip of the ton he preferred to aryv at his destinayshun all fresh and cool and in a kleen shirt. but on this okkayshun he went strait to grovenor sqware smyling a littel grimmlie to himself. wen he reeched pewsie huose he gayv his horse strait into the cayr of a sharp-eyed staybel boy and asended the front steps.
he swept off his hat as mr mcauliffe opened the door. the late sun glinted on his birnished hed.

'afternoon mr mcauliffe. i tayk it ahem that his nibs is still at his klub?'

'his lordship has not yet returned sir nikkolas' sed the butler a shayd repressively. 'if sir nikkolas wud prefer to return---.'

'sir nikkolas wud prefer nothing of the sort' sed the blond yuoth stepping over the threshold. 'i assoom the laydies are hoam.'

'if sir nikkolas wud kayr to follow me to the bloo sitting room i will see if her laydieship is at hoam.'

'the red' sed sir nikkolas.

mr mcauliffe blinked.

'i beg yore pardon sir nikkolas?'

'the red sitting room' sed sir nikkolas 'i hav a fansie for the red sitting room today. i cant tell you wy reallie. it cot my eye the other day and i thot 'ah for a cup of tee in the red sitting room'. all the turkish watnots you kno. oriental oppewulens. i am sure ladie grunestayne wud not objekt.'

'the red sitting room is a trifle out of the way sir nikkolas'.

'not a partikel' lyed sir nikk cheerfullie. 'and i kollekt it has a dumwaiter. i so adore a dumwaiter. the tuoch of a bell the slyde of a door and lo and behold a steeming tee servis awayts! so much eesier on ones staff i think. yes mr mcauliffe leed me to the red sitting room.'

'very well sir nikkolas' sed mr mcauliffe.

'good man' sed sir nikkolas.

noos of sir nikkolas camerons occupayshun of the red sitting room was brot to laydie grunestayn as she played with her infant children in the nurserie. she looked up with a suprised expression and her hands flew to her tousled blond hair. it was in a stayt.

'the red sitting room mr mcauliffe?'

'at sir nikkolas request yore laydieship. he seems to hav a fansy for the eestern curios. and ahem the dumwaiter.'

'the dumwaiter?'

'he fansies the idee of a pot of tee sent up in the dumwaiter your laydieship. sir nikkolas appears to be in a wimsikal fraym of mynd.'

'very well' sed the cowntess getting up.'but it is a pity proodens is not here to reseev him. send mrs rees to my chaymber we must tidie my hare.'

mr mcauliffe bowed but lingered. he coffed in an apologetik way. hermione looked at him suprised.

'as laydie proodens is outwith the huose wud yore ladyship prefer an alternativ femayl attendant? i beleev madame de la curtain is in the skoolroom. perhaps i cud---?'

'perhaps you cud not be so sillie' sed the cowntess and a blush krept up her fays. 'reelie mr mcauliffe. i will tayk it as a grate unkindness if you fors me to remynd you that women of a sertane ayj and kondishun hav no need of femayl attendants in our own sitting-rooms. ther is i asshur you nothing amiss in my reseeving my dotter's suitor as between ourselvs mcauliffe i beleev him to be.'

'aye yore laydieship' sed mr mcauliffe woodenlie.

'in fakt' sed the cowntess britening 'i wonder if he does not have sum motiv for choosing such an isolated spot! depend upon it he wishes to consult me about his hoaps for proodens! o grayshus! at last! send rees to me and then tell the staff to stay striklie away from the red sitting room. i will not hav the footmen gawping and giggling over sir nikkolas's most tender sentiments. and tell cook to prepare a pot of tee!'

'aye yore laydieship' sed the butler and went away with hevy hart as his mistress ceded the nurserie to the mayds and floo up the stayrs to her chaymber. the guid old man went down the stairs and along the passage and along another passage to the red chamber.

it was rather an x-siting room with great turkey carpets and brass samovars with are akschuallie russhan but saym diffrens and curious red chaise longues and gold fraymed bits of arabian calligrafy on the walls. it was a perfekt if slitely outdayted bit of 18th century orientalism edward said wud hav had a fit but hoo cayrs? he hadnt been borned yet and i beleev he is ded now.

anyway it was a prettie sexxy room one way or another and had no windows and therefore sooted sir nikk perfektlie altho not mr mcauliffe hoo looked coldlie upon him and sed that if her ladieship rekwired asistans all she had to do was ring the bell. then the loyal butler disappeered to sit in servants hall by his end of the bell wire and fret.

nikk sipped a glass of claret and as he leened on the marbel chimneypees he luiked meditatively into the fyr.

'o my deer sir nikk' came a voys of gladness from the doorway. the yuong man tirned. laydie grunestayn clad in the outmoded edinburrah fasshun that best suited her buxom not to say fat figgur was looking uncommonly well. altho of corse the dowayjer cowntess of paisley had grosslie exajjerated the level to wich proodens mamma approximated an objektiv standard of femayl beewtie she was konfident and smyling wich my outer adult says is 1/2 the battel. and if to be honest laydie grunestayne wud ever only apeel to a nishe market hers was the nishe market in wich sir nikkolas prefered to shop.

he lifted his hed from his balancing hand by way of greeting.

'good evening laydie grunestayn' he said.

he drank a sip of claret.

'good evening good evening' carolled hermione as she shut the door behind her. 'is it evening? i thot it were still afternoon. anyway that is of no matter becuz--dear dear sir nikkolas--our proodens has been--how best shall i say this?--has been x-onerayted from anything unplesant! the dear dear dowajer duchess of paislie has seen fit to aknowlej her. to reseev her! in fakt at this very moment my dear sir nikkolas proodens is driving with her grays in the park. or no-- perhaps by now they gave gone to her grases huose for an erlie supper. so altho it is a pity proodens is not heer this evening you must be very glad that our littel skan--our little unplesantness will no longer attach itself to our innosent dotter.'
sir nikk inclined his hed slitely and smyled darkly.

'i fesilitayt you' he said.

something in his tone brot laydy grunestayne up short. her smile faltered dimmed and bekaym artifishal. she noted that sir nikkolas had not remooved his elbow from the marbel chimneypiese and that he was still in riding clothes. his shirt looked as if it had been worn for more than half an hour. his usually sleek hair was awry as if he had been running his hands throo it. and the habichually soft look in his eies had been replased by sumthing almost marshal.
not knowing wat else to do the cowntess sat on a chaise longue.

'wont you sit down?' she sed.

sir nikk took his elbow from the chimneypiese and sat down on the chaise longue across from lady grunestayne. it was not very far from lady grunestayn and as he continooed to gaze at her she began to feel uncomfortable.

it had been the regrettable habit of the layt erls grandfather to smoke opium in that very chamber with his best freind each reclining on a chaise longue as they smoked and chatted about increesingly stoopid stuff. altho terrifik mesures had been tayken to remove evry evidence of the noxios substans lady grunestayn suddenly felt as tho there were still a trays of it in the air.

'so wat was it?' asked sir nikk at last.

'i beg yore pardon?'

'the reeson for the dewl' sed this strange new sir nikk of the hard eyes and messy hare. 'if it wasnt proodens and my dear--laydie grunestayne--i dont know if you know this but i was present--i wud lyk to know wat—or hoo—it was.'

laydie grunestayne began to feel that her konstriktiv bodis had been a bit of a mistayke. she cud feel the strings of her korset cutting into her bak as she struggeled to master her breething.

'my deer sir nikkolas' she murmured. 'i dont qwite--i dont qwite understand.'

'you do not giv yourself enuff kredit' sed the yuoth. 'how often hav i herd that laydie grunestayn had an understanding above all her sexx? a man's brane--a woman's hart. so i hav always beleeved. and so i beleev now. come come my deer. tell me all about it. hewbert was indiskreet was he? but of corse he wud be. he laks my tactical abilities. and of cors he is a friteful plonker.'

laydie grunestayn tryed to stand but cud not.

'i beg yore pardon' she murmured. 'my maid...my salts...the bell...'

'drink this' said sir nikkolas and thrust his glass across the short distance between them. 'and dont feel you must mayk a show of having the vapors for my sayk. my deer girl i cudnt be mor pleesed. well' he amended 'not pleesed xactlie. pleesed is the rong word. i did not want to that kno it had been done but i sertanelie wondered if it cud be done and now thanks to my deer deer cuzzin i kno.'
hermione drank with shaking hands. she was as wyt as a sheet. again she tryed to rys but cud not.

'there is sertanely some mistayk' she murmured. 'i am at a loss...you cannot meen... you cannot think... shurely you cannot think that...oh but how ridikulus... i and hewbert...how cud such a thing be beleeved? hewbert and i?!'

she looked up to meet sir nikks implacable stayr.

'a very credibel performance my deer' he sed and stood up. the cowntess wached as he crosed to a side taybel and pored another glass of claret. 'a very credibel performans indeed. yes it must hav been hewbert who slipped. got the wind up probablie and blabbed. and how very unforchunate for you havving to liv with the outraged husband. or is he outraged? perhaps hes the kind who puts up a good show but doesnt reallie care. wonderful! nisi dominus frustrat--that's the tikket.'

hermione shut her eyes. the wine had put sum colour bak into her fase. now she summoned all her strength to speek.

'sir nikkolas' she said loudlie and her fine voyse crakked. 'you are under a misapprehenshun sir. do not speek to me in that fashun!'

she opened her eyes to see sir nikkolas put down his glass. the yuong man strode across the carpet and threw himself down at her feet. he took her shaking hands in his own, grasping them titelie.

'hermione' he sed and his voys rasped with passhun 'tayk pitie on me!'

laydie grunestayne becaym ever more konschus that she mite swune.
'sir nikkolas....'

'nikkolas! i beg you.'

'nikkolas then' she amended fayntlie. 'i kan onlie assoom that you hav bene partie to some fuol rumor...sum owtrayguos lybel...that you hav been sadlie led astray by sum enemie...for i kannot understand how you cud possiblie beleev that i wud ever...o nikkolas nikkolas shurely nothing in my deportment cud ever hav led you to think i wud be so week so crayven as to--.'

'not week' cried nikk and after a rapid kalkewlayshun lowered his voys to a throaty throb. 'not crayven. mersiful.! if after being in yor pressens for so long---after havving the privilej to be so often neer you---to see you---to heer your voys---cuzzin hewbert were to akt on his feelings and you were--after a battel with the bonds of tyrannus convenshun--to tayk pitie on him--i wud not blaym but onor you for now it is i--i nikkolas--hoo am at a such a stand!'

hermiones heart gave her a partikularlie painful thud.

'but wat kan you meen?' she cryed.

nikkolas got up from his knees and still grasping her plump bejooled hands sat besyd her on the chaise longue. the cowntess shrank against the bakk.

'you kno very well what i meen' he growled.

'i kollekt' sed poor hermione hoo was now seeing spots befor her eies 'that you are under the impreshun that you...that you...luv...me but i kannot for the lyf of me--.'

'impreshun!?' cryed nikk and his long slim fingers let go their steely grip on the cowntess hands to fasten rufflie around her shulders. her sleevs were of rather a thin and x-pensive silk and she feered they mite rip. 'nowlej! konvikshun! sins first i saw you in the park i hav been yore unwilling slayv madam!'

his voys krakked and he knew that he was no longer akkting but that he spoke trooth and also that he was angrie.

'even if i were mistayken about you and hewbert--and my informant madam is a very credibel one--it still remanes that you hav cast a web over me and that for some time i hav been unabel to think on any wumman but you.'

'but proodens' sqweeked hermione and her hart jolted with horror as she herd a seem in the back of her bodis rip.

'proodens!' exklaymed sir nikk with disgust. 'a child! grunestayns chyld! wat hav i do to with such a child as that? i reqwire a wumman a reel wumman with a wummans hart and a wummans passhun and a wummans bodie!'

and he krushed hermione agaynst him and rained feers kisses on her heeving boosum.

this of all things worked as a restorativ tonik to the wummans reeling senses.

'how dayr you?" gasped laydie grunestane and slapped sir nikk with all her mite.
shokked he releesed his hold and sat bakk. hermione wached transfixxed as he slowly turned his fase and retirn her gaze. the bloo of his eies was almost entirely eklipsed by his blayzing blak dilayted pewpils.

'termagant' he sed and slapped her bakk.

'ah!' skreemed the cowntess. the blow felled her to the karpet

'too kan play at that gaym' sed sir nikk grimmlie 'and i ashur you madam that i kan hit harder than you'.

'help' cryed hermione and wud hav scrambled up were it not for sir nikks foot impeeding her gown. 'let me go you broot!'

she espied he rwine glass and threw it at his hed. the hevy krystal cot him just abuv the eie and he yelped in payn. with a hideeus ripping noyse hermione renched away from the skirt trapped under the tyrannus boot and lunjed for the bellpull.

'wich!' sed sir nikk getting up and grabbing her by the bodis 'you will not s-cayp me so eesilie.'
blud dripped into his eie stinging it and momentarilie blinding him. he put his foot on hermiones titelie laysed back and wiped his fays with the bakk of his hand.

'help help' cryed hermione. she thrust out a hand for the fireplace tools but seezed not the poker but the brush. she pulled and the stand kaym crashing down.

'o no you dont' sed the young man. he dropped to his knees and tried to rench the brush from hermiones hand.

'this is wat you call luv is it' sed hermione bitterlie as she held on to the iron handel with all her mite. 'you are an animal sir a broot beest!'

'all men are at hart broot beests' sed sir nikk as he pryed her fingers from the iron. 'and you shud hav thot of that madam befor you allowed me in yor presens aloan.'

hermione suddenlie relaxed her grip and making a fist struck her knuckles backwards with all her strength katching her attaker in the teeth. he kursed and fell bakwards agaynst the chaise longue. it slid bakk akroos the floor. with a sob of releef hermione flung herself forward and grasped the bellpull. deeply shakken she tottered to her feet and grasped the chimney pees for support. her hand was deeplie cut it bled.

sir nikk--his fase streeming with blud--gazed at her angrilie from the floor for a moment and then--to her surprise and horror--began to laff.
'my deer girl' he sed. 'you havvent the leest idea wat you look lyk rite now hav you?'
hermione looked from him to her torn dress and white petticotes and her eies filled with teers of rayg.
nikk poked a finger in his muoth and tested his teeth. altho his muoth was blodie his teeth remaned in plays.

'well thats something,' he sed cheerfullie and got up. taking a red lether cays from his pokket he x-trakted a siggar. he wyped his gory fays on his hankerchif and approached the fireplays.

'keep bakk' cryed hermione.

'my deer' sed the man reproovingly and putting his siggar into his muoth dukked his hed into the fyr. the cowntess stayred as he took his head bakk out siggar alite between his lipps.

'ill show myself out' he sed 'you may want to tidy up befor yore butler arryvs. peeple are so prone to think the worst.'

hermione cluched the marbel under her fingers.

'my husband sir will hav you horswipped on the stayrs of yore klub.'
sir nikkolas held his handkerchif to his bleeding eiebrow.

'do you think so my darling? i konfess i do not shayr yore veiw. after all you hav bene qwyt qwyt aloan with me and are in a stayt of parshul undress and--as i sed--peeple are so prone to think the worst.'
at last hermione fainted. she wud hav crashed to the harth had sir nikk not stepped forward and cot her. with a somewhat wistful glans at her boosum he propped her up against the marbel. then he pikked up his hankerchif looked arowd the room for any forgoten artikles and heded for the door. as he renched it open he perceeved a mr mcauliffe outside. the butler was brethless he had run.

'ah mcauliffe' sed sir nikk slipping the servant a guinea coin.'good man. glad to see you. her ladyship has swuned. see to that wont you?'
mcauliffe opened and shut his muoth lyk a goldfish in distress and looked from the young mans bloody fase to the room beyond.

'my lady!'

'exit the yung man' sed sir nikkolas and made a beeline for the bakk stayrs.

5 comments:

Sheila said...

Shock! Scandal! Oh dreadful Sir Nick!

I wonder how anyone could sympathize with that rake though. I never have. He's icky.

sciencegirl said...

i hav always thot niikk was a cad and i am glad his troo colors are revealed at last! i am also delited that the formidable lady gruenstane gave him a bloody mouth for his trobls

Anonymous said...

I am absolutely sure you posted this previously? Have I muddled the order mysteriously???

Seraphic said...

i publishd it aygs ago but it is heer agane as a preeview of my new stuff. new stuff tommorrow!

Julia said...

Nick is a ratbag!