Well, well, well. As you know, this is a blog for WOMEN, and I discourage men from reading as much as possible, in part because too many men think the internet is for insulting people. If I tell men over and over that my blog is only for GIRLS they might read it, but they will scorn to admit it by leaving messages in the combox. Manly men do not whine in my combox; they send me emails proudly signed with their real names or upbraid me at dinner parties.
However, some of you girls link to Seraphic Singles on Facebook, which is cool except when your male Facebook friends lumber over and start whining in the combox, particularly about "American women." Frankly, I don't give a flying crumpet what men (usually American) think of American women; I'm Canadian and this is officially a British, and a Scottish, blog, and few men know as much about women as women, so why are they wasting my time?
Still, if American men crawl, whining and anonymous, into my combox when British and Polish men scorn to do so, it suggests that their principal problem is that they can't attract women. And no wonder. Crawling anonymity is not very attractive.
So today, while such guys are still hanging around wondering when their comments will appear (never), I thought I would talk about what women find attractive in the hopes that the men will actually learn something and stop thinking women don't like them because they don't have fancy cars. My husband doesn't have a fancy car. He doesn't have any car. He used to have one, but he used it for book storage, and then failed his driving test, which basically makes him the man I was meant to marry.
What my husband has, on top of kindness, Catholicism and brains, is an interesting way of life, with an interesting position with an interesting firm and interesting friends, who also abound in kindness, brains and, very often, Catholicism. He is pleasant-looking and confident and dresses reasonably well, having been a Young Fogey in university. His life is so cool when he asked me if I'd like to share it, I said the girly equivalent of "Heck, yeah," which is "Giggle, giggle, giggle." If we end up living in a tent, at least he'll be witty about it, and presumably he'll still wear a jacket and tie to Mass.
Having got this nice husband, I could retire from being pleasant to any other man ever again, were it not for the fact that my husband is still somewhat sociable. He drags me to places where men are, and I don't mind because his friends tend to be attractive people. I don't mean people who are running-away-with-attractive, who by definition I would not find attractive, as I would not be attracted to people so wicked as to want to run away with married me. I just mean attractive enough that I wouldn't rather stab myself with a fork than talk to them for fifteen minutes. This means confident, reasonably cheerful, reasonably witty men with something interesting to say. (If they aren't chatty, they at least dress with panache, so I have something nice to look at.)
They have head the latest news, and watched the latest documentaries, and have traveled recently to somewhere interesting. They are confident, yet curious about other people. They don't use bad language, at least not in English, or only very occasionally, when some interesting drama has broken out. They are well read, and they enjoy whatever it is they are doing, or if they don't, they are actively looking for something else. They offer or return hospitality. They find out what local social obligations are (e.g. a bottle to a party, thanks to the hostess), and they fulfill them. They have good table manners, but do not throw fits if a cat walks across the table. They take pains not to embarrass anyone(although a bit good-natured ribbing among men seems to be okay with men) or humiliate anyone, or take part in group-shaming women or prolonged demonizing of whole ethnic groups. (Rhetorical denouncements of historic enemies can sometimes add spice to dinner, as long as no historical enemies happen to be there at the time.) They are kind to those weaker than they, and quick to put an amiable-looking stranger at his ease. When they are in the wrong, they admit it as only the bravest men do, and they try to set things right.
And that's enough for me. What do you girls think is attractive in men?